


By Sleight of Hand

by Beenis



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: 2018 Hunter x Hunter Big Bang, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Coming of Age, First Kiss, M/M, Mild Language, Mutual Pining, Roommates, Slow Burn, cheeky Killua, everything pretty much stays the same except things float from time to time, just your typical Zoldyck family drama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-04-30 10:42:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14495178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beenis/pseuds/Beenis
Summary: Padokea's college for Wizardry is Killua's first and only taste of the outside world without strict and constant supervision. No parents, no butlers, no giant locked house; just him and his freakishly large familiar Mike.In school, he would make hisownname for himself. Not Killua Zoldyck, just Killua. He'd learn magic with methods that didn't require torture, and maybe make friends along the way.They wouldn't need to know where he came from, or what his family business consisted of. After all, the Zoldyck trade revolved around stealth and subtlety.It wouldn't be hard for him right?... Right?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *crawls out of cave* 
> 
> Although it cost me some undeserved sleep, I _finally_ finished my submission for the HxH big bang 2018!!
> 
> Due to me being a serial procrastinator, I managed to panic-write most of my story before the deadline. No major warnings I can think of, just a light-hearted coming of age adventure story starring your favorite cheeky assassin. Updates will be every Monday (for now) due to proof-reading. 
> 
> The journey was difficult, yet fun, and I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed hysterically writing it

 

After gazing at the horizon for what felt like a while, Killua began to make out the small black figure, growing bigger and bigger with each passing moment.

He could hear the flapping of wings almost half a mile away, and from the obtrusive presence of his mother standing alongside him, she made it obvious she expected it too.

“It’s here Kil~,” her voice sang in that high pitched tone he always got annoyed with.

“I don’t understand why they can’t send these things through email,” he said with a disinterested grunt.

Kikyo ignored her son’s words and unlatched the locks to her giant dining room doors. A strong gust invited itself into the Zoldyck mansion, and although the floor was littered with an array of molten black feathers, Kikyo looked ecstatic.

The crow was much bigger than he anticipated, almost the size of a small horse. It’s curved beak held a cream colored envelope with a dark red wax seal.

“Well Kil, go on and read it,” she urged.

He rolled his eyes at his mother’s flair for overdramatics, but humored her in hopes of shutting her up for the rest of the night.

“Congratulations, you have been accepted to Padokea’s College for Wizardry. It’s a super great honor, blah, blah, blah, please don’t forget to give your yearly donation next fall cause your family is probably the only reason we’re still standing—.”

Kikyo snatched the letter from her son, the red dot on her visor pulsating with irritation.

“Killua, _please_ take this seriously!” Her shrill voice made it sound like more of an order and less of a request.

“I don’t get why you have to make a big deal about this. You already saw Illumi and Milluki get their letter, I figured you’d be tired of watching by now.”

“My dear Kil,” Kikyo drawled out in her softest voice. She reached out to brush his cheek, which caused Killua to flinch on instinct. His mother was neither soft nor motherly, and her acting anything out of the ordinary unsettled him.

“You are a Zoldyck, and you are destined for greatness. Attending this school with your abilities will secure our rightful place in this world, so _don’t ruin it_.” She spat out those last words with so much vehemence; her unbridled rage threatened to spill over.

“Got it,” Killua replied, evidently used to his mother’s anger.

Although Killua acted nonchalant over the acceptance letter, excitement sparked from the skin beneath his fingertips.

No parents, no butlers, no giant locked house. Just him and his freakishly large familiar, Mike. He’d learn magic with methods that didn’t require torture and maybe meet some people along the way—

“One more thing my dear sweet boy.” She cupped his chin with her thumb and forefinger .“You are to attend simply to represent and polish your abilities, and as always, no friends.”

Her last words lingered in the air like hot venom. The longer he waited to reply, the rougher the pressure was. Kikyo was practically grabbing his face at that point, holding on strong enough to bruise him.

”Ok,” Killua finally relented.

“Your mother will miss you, you must not forget that,” she cooed.

One more week in this hell hole, and he could do as he goddamn pleased.

In school, he could make his _own_ name for himself.

Not Killua Zoldyck, just Killua.

After that, everything else would fall into place. Keeping under the radar was a family specialty, it wouldn’t be hard for him at all right?

Right…?

* * *

Ok, maybe things weren’t initially as simple as he hoped, but Killua would manage.

After the fourth terrified gasp, the fear was beginning to get a little old.

Mother’s held their adult children close by while Mike stalked the cobblestone path that led to Padokea’s school. His large nose pointed up into the air to the direction of the welcome banquet.

Killua lazily wrapped the sorry excuse for the leash around his wrist, wondering if he should just abandon it all together. His familiar was seven times his size, tugging on a piece of rope wasn’t going to stop Mike from eating someone if he got hungry enough.

“Come on Mike, there’s a dog treat with your name on it if you make it to my room without killing anyone,” Killua said. He smiled at a frightened student and mockingly waved goodbye as she sprinted into the school.

_“So much for laying low,”_ he thought to himself.

The rest of the walk was silent and lonely, but nothing he wasn’t used to. Although his family’s trade revolved around stealth and subtlety, the social aspects of the Zoldyck’s were the complete opposite.

Maybe he didn’t need his mother’s constant reminder to not plant close roots.

His giant familiar was already doing that for him.

* * *

“Perfect.”

Killua studied himself in the mirror, admiring his plain black cloak.

Students had the creative freedom to do whatever they wanted to their cloaks (within school guidelines) but Killua opted for the most inconspicuous look he could accomplish. The more boring, the better.

The velvet lined rich blue robe his mother initially gave him laid abandoned on his bed. There was no way in hell he was walking around with his family emblem loudly embroidered on the back of his school uniform.

“How do I look Mike?”

Mike only blinked, fully uncaring of the whole situation.

“That’s the reaction I wanted to see,” he grinned.

* * *

The throng of students bottlenecked into the foyer while roasted food and jugs of non-alcoholic cider lined the massive dining hall tables.

Automatically, friends began to gravitate towards one another, while others sat on the remaining seats. No one seemed to pay any attention to Killua, and he reveled in every second of it.

_“Hey, quiet down.”_ The boy in front of him whispered into his lap.

The magician sitting adjacent from him sported gravity defying black hair with green highlights. Strange enough, the colors blended into his hair so effortlessly that it looked natural.  Why he dyed his hair this color, Killua will never know, but it surely didn’t take away any attention to whatever he was hiding.

Bells began to chime from the colored lanterns that floated above the large room, effectively silencing the new students. Sounds from a faulty microphone reverberated along the walls causing a sharp uncomfortable bleep.

_Tap tap tap…._

One more loud screech— then silence.

“Ahh, all fixed,” a cheery voice echoed. A tall blond haired man wearing a tan and brown pinstripe suit stood directly in the front center of the room.

“I, Pariston, welcome all these young new and wonderful students into Padokea’s College for Wizardry and Magic!” he exclaimed exuberantly. The way Pariston enunciated his speech reminded Killua of a politician: loud, clear, and with feigned politeness.

He earned a few slow and awkward claps from the general audience, while he kept his welcome pose steady. Sparkles followed Pariston’s surrounding area, and Killua wondered if it was spell related or just his natural glittery aura.  

“Who the hell are you!?” an anonymous voice yelled from the crowd.

Pariston kept his plastic grin on display, his eyes slightly narrowed at the unfortunate student. He cocked his head to the side and the bowl haired kid began to shrink into his robe until a small gray mouse emerged from the sleeve. Chaos ensued among the students in the surrounding areas.

“Pariston, for _once_ can we have a normal opening ceremony where you don’t have to bring rats into this,” a pistachio haired teacher yelled out. She hopped over the long table and ran to the nearby mouse-pupil, scooping the rodent into her awaiting sleeve.

Many of the new attendees shivered in fear as Pariston’s vulpine smile grew.

“Well, let’s go try that again shall we? My name is Pariston, self-proclaimed vice head wizard in charge. Any problems that arise will usually go to me directly, and if you _really_ mess up, that’s what he is for.” He threw his arms in the direction of what Killua could only assume was the headmaster. The “headmaster” slumped forward in his chair, old and unmoving.

Loud snores emitted from the headmaster's direction, and the deafening silence was almost too awkward to sit through. Student’s didn’t know whether to laugh or take this ceremony seriously, but there was a very definite and unified sense of confusion for the headmasters attitude.

Killua almost expected the teachers to intervene, but they all respectfully sat back, either oblivious or just used to this shit.

“Head wizard Netero, it’s time to get up,” a young blonde girl whispered to the old man.

Netero let out a loud snort and lazily opened one eye.

“Is it time already?” he asked. He wiped the drool from the corner of his mouth and tried to rub the grogginess from his eyes.

As Netero droned on about things even he seemed tired of rehashing, the spiky haired boy began to get more restless. He squirmed violently, nearly knocking over his goblet.

“Tepachi _no!,_ ” he whispered.

Killua saw it first, _whatever_ it was.

The creature skittered under the table and next to his left leg. Without thinking, he snatched the ferret hybrid and cupped the small being between his hands.

As the abomination tried to squirm it’s way out of Killua’s palms, Killua finally understood why the student in front of him couldn’t keep still.

Large brown eyes met his, and the boy in front of him placed a finger to his lips to signal secrecy.

Killua nodded, ignoring the small flutter in his chest.

It was then he’s realized in the 18 years of his life, he’s never kept a secret that wasn’t his own.

* * *

Gon’s room was probably a sixth of the size Killua’s was, but the energy around it automatically felt far more welcoming than Killua was accustomed to.

“His name is Tepachi,” Gon beamed proudly.

His tiny claws voraciously dug through the meat scraps Gon managed to salvage from the mess hall. Fins sprouted on both sides of Tepachi’s face while his furry elongated body resembled something between a squirrel and a short snake.

“Uh, what is he exactly?” Killua asked.

“He’s a Kanoip. They’re amphibious in the early stages of their lives, and grow to be land creatures when they mature,” he explained.

“So he’s kind of like a toad?”

“Sort of. Or like a manatee that grew legs and walked out of water.”

Both analogies were far from what the creature actually looked like, but Killua wasn’t about to waste time looking for a better answer.

Tepachi the Kanoip climbed up Gon’s arm and onto his shoulders, licking his freckled cheek.

“You guys seem close, when did you get… that thing.”

Gon pondered for a moment, counting the time with his fingers.

“Probably a little under three hours ago,” he answered.

_“What.”_

“He climbed onto the edge of my windowsill just as I moved on. I think his back left foot is injured, he kinda walks a little funny,” Gon frowned, stroking the amphibian-hybrid’s tiny appendage. “There aren’t many of his kind around here so I’m guessing this little guy traveled pretty far.”

“He could be someone’s familiar.”

Gon plopped onto a nearby couch and scratched his chin. “Hmm, I guess you could be right, but something tells me he’s feral.”

“Are you saying that just to keep him?,” Killua accused.

“Yes.”

“Idiot, you shouldn’t be keeping untamed animals anyway,” Killua reprimanded. Still, he couldn’t help the smile that began to form on his face. He grabbed a nearby pillow and threw it at Gon’s face with deft precision.

“Hey!” Gon guffawed.

Killua laughed along with him, not remembering a time where felt genuine amusement.

“Huh, that’s weird, I thought I signed up for a double,” a voice called out from the doorway. He took off his pink Turban and placed it next to the empty four poster.

“No, this is just my friend, Killua. I just wanted to show him around,” Gon explained, extending his hand to his new roommate.

The word “friend” planted a small seed within Killua’s chest which he accepted more openly than he intended.

“Hey I’m Pokk- AHHHHHH?!”

Tenpachi managed to jump down from Gon’s shoulder in breakneck speed. He headed towards Pokkle’s direction, leaving a huge slime trail behind him.

“What the fuck is that!” Pokkle yelled. He jumped on the chair to avoid the axolotl squirrel hybrid.

“He’s uh…”

“He’s Gon’s familiar!” Killua replied.

Gon nodded vigorously at the lie.

“Well whatever he is, there’s no way I’m sharing my room with him!,” Pokkle yelled.

“Oh come on he’s like the size of your hand,” Killua argued.

Tepachi shrieked.

So did Pokkle.

“Jesus, is that a fin!” Pokkle’s face scrunched with disgust and unabashed fear. “Sorry Gon, nice meeting you but I think I’m going to go to the headmaster and ask for a room change.”

“Wait you can’t! They might take him away,” Gon pleaded.

He cradled the Kanoip close to him, shielding the little critter from his frightened (now) ex-roommate.

“Well it’s either _that_ thing, or me,” he said, his view uncompromising.

Gon looked absolutely heartbroken, and a weird awareness started to kindle within Killua; a mutual type of empathy he never really experienced before.

“W-wait, I think I have a solution!”

The words escaped his mouth without a second thought.

Strangely enough, he didn’t regret it.

* * *

“Hold up, are you serious right now?”

Pokkle’s eyes glazed over the gigantic room, his jaw looked like it was about to hit the floor, and Killua sorely hoped the kid didn’t start drooling.

“Yea for the fifteenth time, I really don’t mind switching,” Killua shrugged. He threw in what was left of his clothes, and slung his backpack across his back.

“I mean, are you sure you’d give up all this just to keep Gon’s pet a secret?”

It’s only been half a day since Killua arrived to Padokea, and he was already giving up most of his material possessions for a spiky haired kid he barely even knew. But intuition was Killua’s strong suit, and every sign pointed to him being more sure with his decision.

“A room is just a room.”

“Yea, but this is more like a tiny house.”

“Well, now it’s _your_ tiny house,” Killua said offhandedly. He flung the keys into the air, which Pokkle clumsily caught.

“Man, I really don’t know how to thank you.”

A slight rumble was heard from the tent in the far corner in the room.

Oh right. Mike.

“Well there is one thing…”

Pokkle, who was too busy admiring the state of the art wizarding equipment, barely noticed the noise. “Hm, yea what is it?” he answered, already fully immersed with his new suite.

“I have a dog. He’s uh…. He’s kind of a big dog so I don’t think he’d be too comfortable staying in my room. He’s pretty self sufficient, so you don’t have to do much with him.”

“Oh yea, yea no worries, I’ve dog sat before.”

“Yeah, sure.. Ok then we’re cool,” Killua said quickly.

When it all came down to it, Mike was just like any regular dog. He was just bigger than most. Probably only like ten times bigger. With human shaped hands instead of paws.

It would be fine.

Probably.

* * *

Small, four poster beds were unheard of in the Zoldyck mansion, but Killua rather liked the not-too-soft mattress.

“You sure you ok switching rooms?” Gon asked.

“Oh shit, did you not want me to?” Killua replied. He hadn’t even asked Gon about the switch.

“No! Of course I want you here! I just feel kind of bad that you had to move all your stuff again for Tepachi.”

“Nah, it took like two seconds. Plus, Pokkle was fine with it.”

“Then I’m glad. Pokkle seemed cool, but I like Killua better,” Gon yawned. He patted Tepachi on the head and shut off the lights.

Darkness hid the rising blood that rushed to Killua’s cheeks.

“Do you always say embarrassing things like that?”

“Hm, I don’t really think it’s embarrassing,” Gon replied sleepily. “I don’t have a lot of friends back home, and I’m so lucky that I met you today. Showing appreciation for what you like shouldn’t be a bad thing.”

Killua was blushing furiously by this point, and he continued to do so long after Gon fell asleep.

The little seed planted into his heart began to bud.

He wondered what it would grow to by the end of the year.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can you do any magic of your own Killua?” 
> 
> Killua’s mouth pressed itself into a hard thin line. From age 5, he already learned how to conjure up thunder strong enough to affect living things in a 30 feet radius of himself. By age 8, he extended that distance to 50. He was 14 when he first used his powers on an actual person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoohoo! Educational Progress happens!!! (sort of/ not really)

Slimed oozed from Killua’s forehead down to his cheek, followed by a soft chirping noise.

“Good morning to you to,” Killua greeted unenthusiastically.

He picked up the living embodiment of a booger, and gently placed it on his nightstand. 

“Oh Killua, you’re awake?”

“And covered with ooze.” 

“Yea I think he’s shedding,” Gon replied. He tossed a used face towel, dirtied with the same kind of goopy fluid. 

Well, at least he knew where the slime originated from. 

“School starts today! Are you excited?” Gon asked. He slipped on a pair of green shorts and a matching green jacket. Everything about Gon exuded nature and greenery, he was the living manifestation of a forest. 

“Mmm not really.”

From the age of three Killua had already begun to learn magic. Attending Padokea was more of a right of passage rather than a learning experience. It was a way to flaunt the Zoldyck name, to show they were still relevant, still feared. 

“Well I am. I’m really interested in the one class that teaches you about plants, oh and the animal based one!” 

“Horticulture, and the Ethology of magical animals?,” Killua replied boredly. He stared at Tepachi, who in return, stared back whilst licking an eyeball. 

“Aunt Mito and Grandma Abe are both witches, but they were too busy helping run a village that they both never learned traditional magic. They taught me a few basic things, mostly spells to help around the house, repair objects, little things like that, but nothing ever big,” Gon smiled at the memory of his family. He was sure school would be great, but he couldn’t help but miss them a little. “Can you do any magic of your own Killua?” 

Killua’s mouth pressed itself into a hard thin line. From age 5, he already learned how to conjure up thunder strong enough to affect living things in a 30 feet radius of himself. By age 8, he extended that distance to 50. He was 14 when he first used his powers on an actual person. 

“I can do a little. My parents hired private tutors at an early age,” he lied. 

“Woah, that’s so cool! Then you must be ahead of everyone else already,” Gon’s eyes lit up. “Can you show me something?” 

“Well…” 

Most of the time, Killua didn’t flaunt his skills. 

“ _ Never show your hand until you’re ready to strike.”  _ His father would tell him. 

But Gon looked at him with an unadulterated admiration, that he found it difficult to say no. There was an abundance of curiosity and honesty that Gon’s personality exhibited, making him far easier to trust than most.

“Come closer,” Killua beckoned. 

Gon stood by, only a foot apart from Killua. Killua concentrated until his hair stood on ends, little sparks of electricity lit up the tips of his fingers, until lines of sharp blue jolts connected themselves from both his hands. Both their faces illuminated with the light of Killua’s magic, and the soft bluish glow complemented the freckled skin of Gon’s face. 

“Killua, that’s amazing,” Gon said breathlessly. 

They were standing closer than Killua was usually comfortable with, and he looked up just to see Gon’s eyes literally light up both from the electricity, and from Killua’s cheap parlour trick.

Heat tinged the upturns of Killua’s cheeks and the thought disappeared as soon as it came. He swiftly withdrew his hands and shoved them into his loose fitting athletic shorts. 

“Wow that was incredible! How did you do that without a wand?” Gon asked, thoroughly impressed. 

“Some magicians handle magic better by harnessing it through an object, and some work more efficiently without one. It differs from person to person. You’ll learn it in the basics, but for now, breakfast.”

* * *

Gon treated every class like an amusement park ride, for Killua, not so much.

“..and that was the very first case of Magic fully used as a healing property,” Professor Yorkshire concluded, much to Killua’s relief. 

Introductions were such a bore, and even Professor Yorkshire’s tall spiky haired TA looked like he was about to fall asleep. 

“Leorio, please hand each of our students the syllable for this semester,” she ordered. 

Without getting up from his seat, Leorio idly flicked his wand in the classrooms general direction. Cheadle’s annoyance shown slightly through her frown, but she kept silent for the moment. One by one, papers fell gracefully in front of each student, listing extensive reading requirements. The class groaned in unison. 

“Quiet down, I had to go through all of this, plus four of her upper divisions. This class ain’t nothing!” Leorio yelled. 

Cheadle turned to him sharply, her face twisted with warning. “Leorio…,” Cheadle growled. 

Although Leorio was almost twice as tall as her, Leorio visibly shrank back in his seat. 

“Sorry,” he muttered. 

Gon chuckled a little too hard at the sight. He kept glancing over at the TA, as if he was trying to get the older man’s attention.

Killua wasn’t sure if he liked that.

* * *

 

 

“Leorio!” Gon shouted. He nearly launched himself at the taller man, while Leorio quickly stepped to the side. 

“Hey watch it kid, I have a bunch of very breakable test tubes in here!,” Leorio shouted back. He gingerly put down the box he was carrying, only to give Gon a proper hug. 

“I can’t swing you around like I used to. It’s like you’ve grown a foot in the past four years,” Leorio laughed. He noogied Gon’s hair for good measure. 

“You’re still taller than me though!”

“Gon, I’m taller than everyone.”

The small beginnings of jealousy began to grow in Killua’s chest. Sure, Gon was likeable. He could have as many friends as he wanted. He just couldn’t be as close to them as he was to this tall oaf. 

“Hey Killua, I’d like you to meet my cousin, Leorio, he’s a fourth year,” Gon said. 

All of the envy Killua felt a moment ago recoiled itself, until the feeling was nothing but a giant ball of shame. 

“Yo.” Killua waved, and looked Leorio up and down. “Aren’t you a little old to be a student?”

Leorio’s eyes narrowed. “Aren't you a little too young to be an asshole? Watch it kid, I’m the one grading your papers this year,” Leorio warned.

“I’m shaking.” 

Ok, Killua might have been pulling a leg here, but Leorio’s face journey went from looking slightly irritated to murderous in the span of two short seconds. Killua would be lying if he said he didn’t find that hilarious. 

It wasn’t hard to fully understand what kind of person Leorio was. He was as hot headed as he was tall, and Killua’s naturally cheeky attitude didn’t bode well with the TA. To Killua’s surprise, Leorio simply let out a gruff sigh and ended the argument there. 

Maybe he wasn’t as easy to rile up as Killua thought. 

“You know, you’re pretty bad. Strange enough you’re not as bad as my new roommate. You’d probably be hearing more from me if I didn’t waste my time arguing with him all the goddamn time.” Leorio complained. “Guess the whole school decided to enroll a bunch of dicks this year.”

“You can ask for a room change, that’s what Killua kind of did.” Gon suggested.

“He’s an arbiter, same as me. It’d look bad if we can’t get along since  _ getting along  _ is literally in our job title,” Leorio frowned.

“Arbiter?” Gon asked. 

“An upholder of peace. They’re usually older students who make sure everything isn’t burning to the ground. Think of a glorified residential assistant,” Killua responded.

“Ouch. Well that was rude, but correct.”Leorio unceremoniously kicked the box into a nearby storage room, uncaring of the sound of glass breaking. “I’ll fix these later, I’ll only get angrier on an empty stomach.” 

* * *

“And and I don’t know. He just has this snooty pompous look about him. Like he always as his nose raised up high, lookin down on everyone else,” Leorio complained in between bites.

“Does he smell?” Gon asked. He polished off his second turkey leg and looked back at the buffet, debating if he should get a third.

“Come on, try to keep up with me Gon. I’d rather have the grossest roommate around than spend another minute with that prissy, egotistical, sorry excuse for a magician.”

“Does he suck at magic?” Killua asked. 

Usually Killua hated when people complained too much, but the hyper animated way Leorio’s limbs moved made the whole situation entertaining. Angry Leorio was just kind of entertaining in general. 

“No, he’s fucking great at it! That’s what makes it terrible!” 

“The fact that he has the talent to back up that attitude?” Killa responded. 

Leorio let out an over dramatic sigh. He was doing that a lot today.

“Yes,” Leorio said pitifully. He looked down at his plate of eggs, trying his best not to season them with his tears. 

Obliviousness happened to be a strong personality trait for Gon, seeing how he either did not notice Leorio’s suffering or simply did not care for it. He looked past Leorio and onto the person behind him, waving his arms enthusiastically. 

“Hey, Kurapika there’s a seat here!” he motioned to the blonde male. 

Leorio became visibly rigid at the sound of Kurapika’s name, to the point where Killua could almost make out the harsh grating of his teeth.

“How do you know him?” Leorio asked in a low voice. His eyes stayed stuck to the almost empty plate in front of him. 

“He’s the teacher’s assistant for our Charms and Hexes class,” Gon answered. “I talked to him a little after class and he’s really smart and cool.”

Leorio stared long and hard at his younger cousin in hopes that telepathy might be a genetic trait. 

“Hi Gon, thanks for inviting me in. And good afternoon to you, I don’t believe we’ve met,” he smiled at Killua. He extended a polite hand, which Killua took. “I’m Kurapika.”

“Killua,” he replied. He glanced towards Leorio, who had become very silent all of a sudden. 

“What are you three chatting about?” Kurapika asked. He had an amiable yet professional demeanor, and he carried himself with an air of authority. 

Killua immediately connected the dots. 

“Leorio was just telling us about how much he dislikes his roommate,” Gon replied absentmindedly. “Leorio mentioned something about having his nose up in the air all the time.”

Scratch that. Oblivious wasn’t just a personality trait for Gon. It was his whole damn being. 

Uncomfortable silence fell among the three men. Leorio looked absolutely mortified, while Kurapika’s calm facade cracked heavily beneath the surface. 

“ _ Seriously Leorio?”   _ Kurapika stared long and hard at his roommate. “I’ve been rooming with you for what, barely a day and you can’t shut up for one moment about how much you can’t stand me when  _ you’re  _ the problematic one!” 

Gon looked at the two arbiters, his eyes scanning each of them back and forth until he finally understood. He flushed at his mistake and turned his head away from his friends, as if that somehow made him invisible to the argument. 

“Well I mean if you would just ease up a little—.”

“ _ Ease up a little?  _ My first impression of you was seeing you walk around naked! Of course I was going to react that way!” Kurapika was fuming at this point.

Leorio looked like he wanted to melt into the hardwood flooring. 

“Are you a moron, have you ever heard of  _ showers?  _ People are usually naked when they take one,” Leorio argued defensively. 

“It was move in day! You didn’t even have the decency to think that oh maybe your roommate would show up?!”

“One, you had no right to throw your suitcase at me and two you’re the one who barged in and acted like you owned the place when you started to move my shit around without my permission!”

The lunch hall was dead silent, but the arbiters argued on, inattentive to the drama they were causing. 

“Your hideous study table was blocking part of the window, it made sense to move it. And I  _ did  _ ask, but like everything, you had to make a huge deal about it so I took the matters into my own hands.” 

“That’s why we can’t get along! You know, it’s hard to argue with someone that always thinks they know everything” 

“Leorio, there are two first years with us and you’re acting like the youngest out of this whole table. You’re an arbiter, go behave like one.” 

Leorio stood up to full height, and Killua had to admit, Leorio could look intimidating to the common eye.  However, it did nothing to faze Kurapika who in return stood even prouder than his taller counterpart.

“Well, you must be fun at family parties. I wonder what your parents think having a pompous brat like you, or maybe they’re the terrible humans who gave you this attitude problem. Maybe you being an asshole just runs in the family.”

Kurapika’s eyes flashed red for a moment, his knuckles white against his sides. He quivered with rage and for a split second, Killua could physically feel the anger emanating from Kurapika.

Everyone expected something to break out, the tension was so thick to the point of being suffocating. However, Kurapika simply turned his heel and walked out, obvious hurt in his features. 

“Did.. did I say something?” Leorio looked more confused than triumphant. “I could’ve sworn I was losing that argument.”

The quiet atmosphere broke, and students began chattering amongst themselves again. 

“Beats me, but whatever you said really affected him,” Killua responded. 

“You should go apologize,” Gon suggested.

“I don’t see why  _ I  _ have to. It’s not like this argument was one sided,” Leorio argued.

“He was hurt Leorio,” Gon stated, as if that fact was non-negotiable. 

“Man. I hate it when you’re right,” he groaned. “I have class in the next ten minutes, but I’ll do it then. It’s not like I can avoid him.”

“Proud of you,” Gon grinned. 

“Yeah yeah, whatever mom. Get to class before I give both of you detention,” Leorio yelled before leaving. 

* * *

Killua had to admit, it was rather nice having a class in the open forest rather than a stuffy classroom.

“Kite is supposed to be one of the best professors! I heard he discovered at least 50 new species of animals in the last two years or so,” Gon’s eyes sparkled. 

“I’m guessing you’re a huge fan of this guy?” He wasn’t sure whether to trust someone with the same name as a novelty aircraft, but he’d find out soon enough.

“He’s the one that discovered Kanopi’s and wrote everything about them.” 

Gon’s backpack shuffled a bit, a soft chirping sound could be heard if one listened close enough.

“It’s not a good idea to keep him in your backpack. Someone might see him,” Killua said. 

“He’s injured, and I’m worried he might do something to hurt himself again,” Gon said. 

By this point, Tepachi had a little brace made out of scraps of fabric. Killua would be lying if he said the vermin didn’t even look a little cute with it on. 

“You’re weird.” 

“Then you’re weird for choosing to hang out with me,” Gon said. His goofy half smile turned into one of his full grins, and Killua couldn’t help but smile along with him. 

“Yea I guess I am,” he replied, feeling that small flutter where the seedling planted itself. 

A very tall man with long white hair stalked into the front of the classroom. His blue cabbie hat hooded his eyes, making his overall expression hard to read. 

“Sorry students, class is cancelled today.” 

A small collection of confused conversation began in the classroom.

“Is there a reason why?” A student asked. 

Kites mouth contorted itself into a hard frown. “One of my specimens went missing.” 

More excited chatter erupted from the group of first years. 

“Calm down students, he’s not dangerous! He’s a Kanopi, and it’s a little hard to give you a fair description of what it looks like since it changes form every so often, especially in the early stages of development. I guess that would be your first lesson there,” he chuckled to himself ironically. “Regardless, he’s important to my studies, so if you see anything out of the ordinary please let me know.” 

Kite immediately left the classroom after that, leaving the rest of his student's to slowly pool out of the study area. 

Gon looked at his backpack and then to Killua, his worry visible. 

Without thinking, Killua placed his hand on top of Gon’s. His fingers pressed on lightly in hopes of giving his friend a small sense of comfort. Gon responded by turning his hand over, gently squeezing Killua's fingers

The seed in Killua’s heart began to flower. He could almost feel the tiny soft leaves begin to unfurl themselves within his chest. 

Killua didn’t seem to mind. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sound of dead leaves crunched heavily to the area adjacent from them.
> 
> “What are you two doing here?!” Kite shouted from across the lake. Sequandra’s swarmed around him in a colorful flurry.
> 
> His eyes fell on the Kanopi.
> 
> _Shit._

Arbiter rooms were far nicer than regular dorms. Private bathrooms were the best part of it, but there were other benefits to being the ultimate pet for administrators. The rooms were at least twice as big, big enough that Leorio can do a full cartwheel and have minimal to no damage to any of his furniture. 

And yet, even with all these perks, Leorio struggled to walk into his own bedroom. 

He always believed in arguing with fists rather than words. He often spoke before he thought, leaving him to lose a lot of verbal arguments. Unfortunately, his roommate was well versed in using that exact method.

Before Leorio even walked in the room, he could feel another presence inside it. It wasn’t a happy one. 

“Hey, can I come in?” He asked gently. 

“It’s your room too, do whatever you want.” 

Kurapika sat in the corner of his bed, his knees pulled up to his chest. His eyes were red, and slightly puffy. 

_ Had he been crying?  _

Leorio nearly panicked. Although he was born with a loud mouth and an even shorter temper, one unmistakable trait was his sense of guilt. 

“Hey, look. I’m sorry, about everything really. I know we got off at the wrong foot, and I said some things I didn’t mean. I want you to know that you can move my study table if it blocks the natural light.”

He didn’t care about the table anymore. 

Really. 

Although it was the best place to watch the sunset while stressing over finals, a regular desk lamp wasn’t so bad either. He’d make it work. 

Kurapika sniffled a little, and climbed out from the corner of his four poster until he was seated at the edge of his bed.

“I’m sorry too. I overreacted, it wasn’t like me to do that,” he confessed. “Just... talking about my family got me off guard, and I kind of lost it.” 

“Hey, no, that was really messed up for me to say that. I bet they’re wonderful people—“

“They’re dead,” Kurapika finished the sentence for him. 

Oh. 

_ Oh.  _

The school year had only just begun, and Leorio officially earned the title of the worlds biggest dick, and probably (most likely) worst human being. 

“Shit Kurapika, I am so sorry,” he said sincerely. “I didn’t know.” 

“Not a lot of people do. Don’t feel bad, it happened years ago.”

“That doesn’t make it ok.” 

“If I told you and you decided to make a joke out of it then yea, I would be angry. You don’t look like a person that would do so.” 

“I’m not, I swear,” he replied. 

He still felt really,  _ really  _ bad over the whole thing. 

“Ok then, we’re good.” 

“Yeah, I think we are,” Leorio agreed. 

“Let’s try this again shall we? I’m Kurapika, your new roommate. I’ll be living with you for the whole year, so I hope we get along.” His tone is more polite, but laced with that mordant edge Leorio had already grown accustomed to. 

Considering their first meeting revolved around Leorio nearly getting massacred with Kurapika’s giant suitcase, it was safe to say that he was far too angry at the time to get a good look at his roommate. 

He was so blinded by anger, he never noticed that maybe his roommate might be his type. 

Exactly his type. 

“I swear, I won’t throw anything at you this time,” Kurapika laughed, fully aware of Leorio’s apprehensive state. 

_ Fuck, he’s pretty. _

And just like that, Leorio opened something inside of him that was probably best kept buried underneath ten feet of self denial. 

It’s just one measly year out of his whole entire life. 

If he’s trapped inside with a roommate he might be (very) attracted to, so be it. 

Yeah, it could be fun.

In a messed up kind of way. 

* * *

“Gon, we have to tell him soon.”

Tepachi kept his fins, and almost all of his amphibious qualities disappeared. His fur began to grow in weird patches, but the biggest change was his size. The Kanopi weighed almost as much as a regular cat by now. 

“I know,” Gon replied sullenly. “He’s getting too big for my backpack, and his leg is almost fully healed.”

It’s been nearly a month since Gon had found Tepachi, and Kite became more and more distressed with each passing day.

“Kite can barely keep the class together. He flinches at every little thing that sounds like Tepachi.”

Tepachi had become a huge part of their first semester, and more than once Killua would find the Kanopi nestled on top of his pillow. He knew he would miss Tepachi too. 

“Okay, I’ll give him to Kite after tonight’s dinner. I just wanna say goodbye to him.” 

Dinner was solemn and quiet. Gon cut up his portion of honied ham, and dropped them into his backpack. The contented sounds of soft growling soon followed. 

“What day is it today Killua?” Gon asked. 

“October 4, why?” 

Alertness suddenly shot up inside of Gon, his smile returning for the first time today. 

“It’s still the first week of October, and we still have time before the sun fully sets!” he yelled. He grabbed Killua’s wrist, pulling them up from their seats. “Come on, we don’t have much time!” 

* * *

Padokea’s climate was cold for autumn. Winter threatened to come early, and the frost that dusted the nearby flowers were further proof of that.

Gon rummaged through the foliage, his gloved hand intertwined with Killua’s. “We’re almost there,” Gon announced.

Leaves on the silver birches were just beginning to fall, leaving a white open clearing in contrast with the green forest. It’s a plain ugly sight, all barren and covered with scraps of dead wood. 

They stay seated for fifteen minutes or so. Killua could feel a benevolent energy surrounding the forest, so he keeps quiet, a small sign of respect for the unknown. 

The bright golden rays of of the sun began to disappear, only to bring ethereal shades of purple and blue that could be seen in between the slivers of white. 

Slowly, little bright pockets of light emerged from the winter lake. They lit up the water and dead birchwood, decorating the surrounding area with phosphorescent hue’s of every color imaginable. The water bugs were everywhere, lighting up the floor where Gon and Killua sat.

“They’re sequandra’s. Similar to mayfly’s, but they have a notoriously short life span. They tend to breed in early October, especially in areas with a lot of magic,” Gon informed him. 

“I’ve never really seen anything like it. It’s really something Gon,” Killua replied in awe. 

Tepachi crawled into Gon’s lap as if he knew his time with Gon was limited. The spiky haired man slowly stroked the top of his familiar’s head. 

“I’ve only ever seen this twice. One with aunt Mito, and one by myself. I really am glad I get to watch it with my two best friends.” 

Killua could see Gon’s downcast expression, and just then does his own heart begin to ache too. 

This past month had almost been like a dream to Killua. He often wondered if this whole thing was real: the leisure time, the way he could walk down the halls freely, —Gon. Was this how everyone lived their life? Did most people live without fear or commitment to a future that was already planned out for them? 

The sound of dead leaves crunched heavily to the area adjacent from them. 

“What are you two doing here?!” Kite shouted from across the lake. Sequandra’s swarmed around him in a colorful flurry. 

His eyes fell on the Kanopi. 

_ Shit.  _

. . . 

“You were harboring it for a whole  _ month, _ ” Kite said incredulously. Although they both were probably going to be in a lot of trouble, Killua still welcomed the warm heat of Kite’s office. If he was going to get expelled, at least he would do it in comfort. 

“I’m sorry,” Gon apologized for the umteenth time. “He crawled into my bedroom, and I began taking care of him, and I just sort of got attached to Tepachi.”

“You gave him a  _ name? _ ” Kite said. He acted more bewildered, rather than angry, and Killua took that as a positive sign. “They’re notoriously hard to train, muchless take care of. I’m surprised he didn’t rip your dorm in half.”

“Gon just has a knack for these things. He’s read all about them,” Killua informed his teacher. 

“His leg has been healed too,” Kite responded, I’m thoroughly impressed. “You have a real gift with magical beasts, you know that?” 

“You think so?” Gon beamed.

Somehow, the subject suddenly moved from disciplinary action into interested conversation. The more Kite talked about his work, the more interested Gon became, and Killua could feel the tenseness in the room begin to dissolve. He found himself relaxing, being just a silent observer in their exchange. 

“And that’s why you can only breed them near the beginnings of spring,” Kite lectured Gon about a subject Killua willfully zoned out of. They were here for almost half an hour already, getting lost in their mutual passion. Kite’s eyes fell on the assassin, suddenly realizing why these two students were there in the first place. “So, about the punishment,” Kite cleared his throat awkwardly. 

Gon’s smile fell into a nervous frown, completely forgetting about stealing his professor’s beloved specimen. Killua’s eyes widened too. The mood in the room was so light that he slipped into a bored, yet comfortable state. 

“The authoritative part of me  _ should  _ do something, but I rarely get to meet a student so interested about what I teach,” Kite confessed. “So I’ve decided I’ll keep this little tryst between us, but heed this as your last warning Mr. Freecs,” he said. 

_ Unbelievable.  _

It’s not like Killua couldn’t wiggle his way out tough situation with words (he’s done it many times), but getting out of punishment with just resorting to being  _ likeable?  _ That’s something only Gon could do. 

“Really? Thank you so much professor Kite,” Killua said gratefully. He wanted to book it out of here, run before they could get into further trouble. Gon however stayed put, so begrudgingly Killua did as well.

“What about Tepachi?” Gon asked, punishment being the furthest thing from Gon’s mind. 

“He will be in my care for the time being. I promise you, he will be in good hands,” Kite promised. “I’ll monitor his growth well, I did study them after all.”

Kite brushed the tip of Tepachi’s head, which the creature gently nuzzled. Gon visibly relaxed at the sight; however, unhappiness still weighed heavy in his heart. 

“Gon, you’ve done a wonderful job with him, and it’s duly noted that you’re capable of taking good care of Tepachi. However, Kanopi’s grow rapidly each month, and by the time spring rolls by, he’ll be as big as a mountain lion. Next year, maybe even bigger than that.”

“Well then, can I visit him?” 

“Of course,” Kite replied warmly. “He should be released sometime before summer starts, you should be there too,” he offered. 

“Thanks professor, and again, sorry I didn’t bring him in sooner,” Gon apologized. 

“I understand that he came to you first, but if this ever happens, please go to me. I nearly lost my job over this.”

Gon nodded, and looked back at Tepachi one last time. His eyes watered, but he breathed in and composed himself. 

“Bye buddy, I’ll see you soon.” 

* * *

Outside, Killua wrapped his arms around Gon’s shoulder, while Gon leaned into the touch. Their gestures were often more intimate than what normal friends would do, but it was Gon’s style, and Killua never cared for the looks they’ve gotten while walking through the main halls.

“I miss him already,” Gon admitted.

“He’ll be in good hands. We can visit him after Kite’s class tomorrow if you want.” 

The suggestion lifted Gon’s mood significantly.“Thanks for being here though all of this. Everything is so much better when Killua’s with me,” he said, much to Killua’s embarrassment. 

“Shut up, one day you’re going to get us into something we can’t pull ourselves out of,” Killua replied irritably. 

He tightened his grip around Gon’s shoulders, and couldn't help but feel like his hands belonged there. 

* * *

The smell of artificial chicken broth hit Leorio’s nose. He blindly grasped for the scorching styrofoam.

“You’re going to knock it over,” Kurapika warned. 

Leorio only grunted. 

“Come on, it’s already one in the morning. If we push through these last couple of papers, we’ll be done at least by three.” 

“ _ You’ll  _ be done,” Leorio corrected.

After this tall stack of barley legible essay’s, there was an even bigger laundry list of assignments he had to complete.

“I-I can’t even make out some of their names,” Leorio said hopelessly. Many of the papers had ink stains on parts of the parchments, smudging some words in the process. 

He took a long sip of the sodium filled noodles and ate half of the contents in one go. After all the dining hall functions shut down for the night, cheap instant food was the way to go. Yea, Leorio might have burned his tongue in the process, but the pain was worth the delicious MSG flavor that came afterwards.

“You should slow down there,” Kurapika suggested. Kurapika picked at his own instant ramen. He made sure to blow the heat away from his food, unlike his roomate. 

“No. I have given up on life just like I’ve given up on my dietary health,” he retorted bitterly.

He expected one of Kurapika’s famous snide remarks, but his roommate just laid a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. 

“I’m about to be in the same boat as you, only I regret assisting Pariston’s class. He barely teaches most of the time, I’m surprised the class hasn’t started a riot.”

Leorio shuddered. He’d taken Pariston’s class four years prior. Strange enough, Pariston was actually well versed when it came to charms and hexes, but most of the lesson always consisted of him going off on a tangent over something completely unrelated to the topic. 

“Wow yea no kidding. You really got the short end of the stick.”

“Well, I guess we’ll suffer through this together,” Kurapika sighed. He lifted his cup of noodles and tapped it against Leorio’s cup. 

“To nights like these and many more,” Leorio saluted. 

Grading papers was and is always going to be an arduous process, but having company eased the worst parts of it. Leorio would never admit it, but he enjoyed nights like these. Even something mundane became bearable around Kurapika.

All the things he initially hated about Kurapika quickly became things he favored the most. He admired the tactical part of his roommate, the way his words were always so well placed and profound, the way he would hold himself up even after the worst days. 

“Hey Kurapika, could you hand me that textbook?” Leorio asked, his nose buried deep into his term paper. 

After ten seconds of no response, he turned around to see his roommate nestled into the corner of their couch.

“So much for pushing through it,” he smirked. 

The fourth year shook his head, and gently took the ungraded essay’s from Kurapika’s hand. He brushed Kurapika’s bangs to the side, his fingers lingering for longer than necessary. 

Wanting was a familiar feeling to the fourth year. He’d always been to ambitious, too eager, too courageous with potential prospects. Once his growth spurt happened and he could properly shred the scrawny, poor-country boy look, getting dates became second nature to Leorio. It wasn’t like girls  _ flocked _ to him, but he was tall, decently attractive (at least that’s what his mother always told him), and could hold up a proper conversation if he was interested enough. 

There were more than a number of people he fell head over heels for, one’s that would make his knees buckle and his mouth dry.

Kurapika was not one of those people. 

Initially, there was some level of physical attraction, but that wasn’t what screwed him over.

It was the peace that got him. 

The routines that suddenly became  _ their  _ routine not just his. It was the comfortability, the quietness, the feeling of loss when Kurapika wasn’t there. And the steady, calm beating of Leorio’s heart when he was. 

Maybe he might be deeper into this than he expected.

But he watched Kurapika nuzzle closer into the warmth of the blanket, and Leorio could feel undeniable affection tug at the base of his heart.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the ridiculous delay. I went through some life changing things in the past month so I couldn't update, but I'm back and better than ever! I owe you guys like four chapters so I'll make sure to upload them ASAP. Thank you for reading <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua shrugged and peeled of his longsleeve. Leorio could instantly make out the patterns that vaguely resembled a lighting scar. They were everywhere. They marred Killua’s torso, his back, along his sides. Well healed, but inevitably there. 
> 
> “Where did you get all this?” Leorio demanded. 
> 
> “Get what?” 
> 
> Leorio made a frustrated noise and motioned to all of Killua’s exposed flesh. 
> 
> “Oh. From training back home.” Killua responded nonchalantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Light mentions of child abuse and light dubious consent)

“Killua, get your ass down from there!” 

Bisky’s whistle blared throughout the courtyard. She yelled a string of colorful superlatives that would make a sailor blush. 

While the other students struggled to even levitate their brooms, Killua was already standing on his. He surfed around the class in lazy circles, using his cleaning device as a makeshift skateboard.

“Awesome!” Gon yelled out. He struggled with his own broom for a little, but Killua begrudgingly had to admit that Gon was a true natural. Flying a broom wasn’t an easy task.

Killua had at least thirteen years of magic training under his belt, and although he was the top student (in classes he actually cared about), Gon placed behind him each time. This alone should have irritated him to no end; instead, it sparked a catalyst inside of him: 

A challenge. 

“I swear, I’ve been teaching here for almost twenty years and I have never met a Zoldyck as infuriating as you,” Bisky shouted. 

She flicked her wrist and conjured up her own broom, pink and cute with a bow at the end. 

The Zoldyck family was notorious around Padokea. Every member she had seen thus far had walked with an air of regality, with their heads high and their pride heavy. 

Killua (although a little shit) was different. His eyes held a soul rather than the blank dark canvas she’s grown accustomed to. 

Bisky lunged into the air and yanked the broom from underneath the assassin. 

“Hey, what the—,” Killua began.

“If you’re going to act like a brat, I'm going to treat you like one!,” Bisky yelled. With her good arm, she slung the broom to the other side of the courtyard, sending Killua zooming fast into the ground. 

“I’m pretty sure you can get fired for this!” Killua screamed. The shock from Bisky’s throw caught him off guard; not so much the action but the strength. 

“You’ll be fine!” she snickered. 

He’s a Zoldyck after all. 

Killua gritted his teeth and tried to regain control of his broom. He latched onto the stick with both arms, slamming hard into the brick wall. 

“Oops, I threw you a little hard there,” Bisky giggled. 

“What the hell are you?” He spat under his breath. 

That throw would’ve killed anyone but Killua. Amongst all the layers and frills, Bisky was a monster— and she could see right through him. 

“Now that you’re done showing off, we can get back to class.” 

She offered a hand to the assassin, which he reluctantly took. Past his glare, there was a mutual respect between the both of them. Still, he’d kill himself before admitting she was his favorite teacher.

. . .

“You’re limping,” Gon frowned. 

“Yea well that hag has a pretty good throwing arm,” he grimaced. Yea, his body did feel a little stiff, but he’s been through far worse.

“I didn’t know professor Kreuger was that powerful. She’s looks so small and petite,” he commented. Gon’s tongue stuck out in concentration as he cleaned off the dried blood with his wash towel. He leaned close enough for Killua to make out the constellations of freckles on Gon’s face. 

He wondered what it’d be like to kiss Gon. His lips would probably be warm just like his hands. He could experience this first hand easily, all he had to do was crane his neck a little and—

“We should take you to the nurse,” Gon suggested, his concerned voice breaking Killua out of his thoughts. 

Intrusive thoughts. Everyone had them. Sure it was a normal occurance for most people, or maybe it was just Killua’s hormone riddled eighteen year old body. Either way, he’d learn how to stop his blush from reaching his cheeks first month into rooming with Gon. He’d walk around with a tomato face 24/7 if he didn’t find a way to control it. 

“Gon, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

Before he could protest any further, large hands scooped him from his sitting position.

“Idiot, what are you doing!?” Killua said, not bothering to hide his surprise. 

“If you’re not going to go by yourself, I have no choice but to take you myself.”

Jumping down from Gon’s hold wasn’t much of a feat. If Killua really wanted to leave, he could do it with lack of difficulty. Still— he couldn't deny that he kind of enjoyed being carried. 

“You know, you remind me of an angry cat sometimes,” Gon teased. 

Killua pawed at Gon’s face. “Fine but if you’re going to call me a house pet, I expect to be pampered like one.”

“That’s okay with me,” Gon replied. He leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on Killua’s nose. “My personal cat,” Gon crooned.

Usually, he could brush off Gon’s actions, but the kiss happened so quickly, he had no time to react. He felt every part of his face flush a bright angry red. 

“What the hell did you do that for,” Killua sputtered. 

“Mmm, you’re cuter when you blush,” Gon hummed in approval. 

Killua could do nothing but angrily gape; all witty remarks from his silver tongue fizzled down into nothing but pure, authentic shock.

Gon happily carried his roommate into the infirmary while Killua buried his flustered face into Gon’s chest. 

The seedling in the pit of his heart was a forest by now.

Messy, and tangled, and overgrown beyond repair. 

. . . 

Leorio turned his face to the scratched up pouting first year that his cousin was currently carrying. 

“I’m not even going to ask,” he muttered as he turned himself back to his textbook. 

“Leorio, what are you doing here. Where’s the nurse,” Gon asked. 

“I am the nurse. Sort of. Unless you’re dying, I’m the best you got,” he grunted. 

“Killua got hurt, so I was wondering if you had anything for his cuts and stuff,” Gon asked. He placed Killua a nearby cot, and although the walk here was more than mortifying, the assassin was almost getting used to it. Almost. 

“Or you could heal it away or something,” Killua suggested.

“If you paid any attention in class, you can’t just heal yourself,” Leorio replied, clearly offended. He closed his book and rummaged through the cabinets, pulling out a pack of gauze and antiseptics. “What happened to you anyways? You look like a trainwreck.” 

“Yeah, well you ain't so pretty yourself,” Killua replied. 

Leorio said nothing. He coated the gauze with iodine, pushing it into Killua’s wound hard enough for the boy to yelp. 

“Are you trying to make it worse,” Killua hissed. 

“I should've warned you it would sting, but you had to run that smart mouth of yours didn’t ya? Now stop your bitching. You know what’s worse than a papercut? An infection.”

The arbiter surveyed the scrapes, taking care to make sure Killua was properly patched up. Killua might be a dick sometimes, but he was a patient nonetheless.

“Gon, will you go to the backroom and get me some bandages? Some of these scrapes run pretty deep.” 

His younger cousin nodded and disappeared to the far end of the infirmary. 

Leorio ran his hands across Killua’s fresh cuts, barely noticing the off white, dark marks along Killua’s arms. His eyes widened. 

“Take off your shirt,” Leorio commanded. 

“Excuse me.”

Leorio rolled his eyes. “Don’t make this difficult kid, I need to see if you’re hurt anywhere else. The less you argue, the faster we can get this shit done.”

Killua shrugged and peeled of his longsleeve. Leorio could instantly make out the patterns that vaguely resembled a lighting scar. They were everywhere. They marred Killua’s torso, his back, along his sides. Well healed, but inevitably there. 

“Where did you get all this?” Leorio demanded. 

“Get what?” 

Leorio made a frustrated noise and motioned to all of Killua’s exposed flesh. 

“Oh. From training back home.” Killua responded nonchalantly.

Marks like those traveled farther than the skin and wrapped deep around the heart. He’s seen it many times before, scars inflicted by magic, only to be covered up in a weak glamour. He pursed his lips, not bothered as much by the abuse, but rather how normally Killua reacted towards it. 

“I got it!” Gon yelled from the back room. 

“Are we done yet?” Killua asked, suddenly aware of the awkwardness between him and the arbiter.

“Yeah, in a bit,” Leorio replied with a much softer tone. 

Leorio dressed the rest of Killua’s wounds more carefully this time, trying to cause as little discomfort as possible. 

The kid had already suffered enough and he didn’t even realize it. 

. . . 

“This is so dumb,” Leorio loudly announced. He helplessly tried to untangle himself from the frosted garland while simultaneously balancing himself on a 20 foot ladder. 

“You’re forgetting all arbiters are roped into this,” Kurapika replied. 

“Yes but I don’t get why they stuck us with decorating duty? Why couldn’t I be apart of the sign in process?”

“Cause you’re the tallest and you can reach all of the high places we can’t,” Kurapika called out from the ground. 

“Just because I’m tall doesn't mean I can’t be scared of heights. I’m fully supportive of the idea that anything taller than me is too tall.” he continued to complain. Winter solstice dances were things Leorio expected to be left in high school, but his current precarious situation proved him wrong. 

The rough sound of steel dragging across hardwood filled the grand hall. He could make out Kurapika’s blonde hair moving an equally large ladder next to the one Leorio was currently on. Kurapika carried the bucket of ornaments with ease, placing them at the top of the steps. 

“Does anything positive every come out of your mouth,” Kurapika asked, with equal parts of curiosity and irritation.

He expertly tied holly and ornaments around the garland, even reaching out with only one leg and hand on the ladder. 

To be honest, Kurapika’s decorating skills were kind of hot. In a weird dangerous way of course. 

“I’m just saying, these things are so pointless. People prance around and have a good time while we’re stuck here cleaning this mess up after.”

“Well I might go,” Kurapika mentioned. 

“Of course you’re going, we all have to.”

Kurapika fumbled around with some of the decorations, avoiding Leorio’s stare. 

“No, like after set up. I might stay for the whole thing.”

“Now why in the hell would you do that?” 

“Altan asked me,” Kurapika shrugged. 

Leorio almost fell off his ladder. Altan, the fourth year red-headed arbiter. Tall, proud, good looking, most likely richer than Leorio. 

Leorio never spoke to the guy, yet he already hated him.

“That’s great and all, but you sure you wanna go with him? He doesn’t seem like your type.”

(He totally seemed like Kurapika’s type) 

Kurapika turned to face Leorio, eyebrows quirked. “Cause he’s a guy?”

“That’s the furthest thing from a problem. He just looks… snobby,” he replied. Alton might not be as bad of a person as Leorio thinks, he might donate to charity or help children with cancer or some shit like that. But Leorio feels the unmistakable pain of his heart being ripped out of his chest, and he could care less what kind of person Kurapika’s potential date was. 

“Does snobby the same way I do?” Kurapika smirked. 

Leorio quietly fiddled with the bucket of Christmas goods, dampening the mood with his unnerving silence. 

“Anyways, I haven’t replied to him yet,” Kurapika said out loud. 

Suddenly, garlands were the most interesting thing in the world to Leorio. He busied himself with the string of bells, impending heartbreak hanging deep in his soul. Kurapika’s hands brushed against Leorio’s. 

“I haven’t decided to go, just in case something else comes up,” Kurapika turned to Leorio with a expectant glance. His fingers stayed where they were, completely oblivious to the taller arbiter. 

“Well I hope you have fun at that lame party with your boring date,” Leorio spat out, harsher than he intended to. 

The blonde slowly withdrew his hand from Leorio’s, clear disappointment on his face. 

“Maybe I will,” Kurapika replied, his voice too quiet to hold any actual spite. “The other side needs some stuff, so I’m going to work over there.”

Before Leorio could even apologize, Kurapika was already by the bottom of the ladder. 

Leorio cursed his bad case of foot-in-mouth disease. It wasn’t Kurapika’s fault Leorio was acting like a bitter old maid. Being hopelessly in love with his roommate was causing more problems than he cared to admit. 

On top of everything he had to deal with for the next year or so, confessing to Kurapika was inching towards the top of that list. 

. . .

Old Yuletide ballads filled the hallways, reaching up to the arbiter dormitories, and the sound immediately puts Leorio in a mood.

There was just something universally depressing sitting in a dorm room alone while everyone enjoyed themselves during the holiday seasons. He could’ve gone to the dance if he wanted to, but he knows himself enough to know it wouldn’t be a good idea. Pride always got the best of him, and although Leorio really did want to apologize for being a complete asshat earlier on in the week, all attempts would end up in a half garbled mess. 

Hot pumpkin cider lay cold and forgotten near the corner of his desk. The drink (along with the rest of Leorio’s holiday cheer) was overshadowed by his ten page report due the week before winter break. Even if he wanted to participate in superfluous winter activities, practical responsibilities held him back. 

The winter solstice dance ended a couple of hours ago and Kurapika had yet to return. The passing thought of his blonde roommate staying the night with someone else left a sad astringent taste in Leorio’s mouth.

“For fucks sake,” he groaned, annoyed by how miserable he was being. He slammed his laptop closed, giving up on the work he barely touched.

Then, a click. 

He could barely make out Kurapika’s figure in the dim lighting of their room, but he could hear the unmistakable sound of drunk limbs hitting furniture. 

“Kurapika?” Leorio squinted in the dark. He turned on his tiny desk lamp, watching Kurapika try to navigate the dark terrain. 

Kurapika’s head whipped to Leorio’s direction, his eyes wide and glassy. 

“Oh, you’re still up? Sorry, I was trying to be quieter,” Kurapika giggled. 

“Are you ok…?” Leorio asked. He observed the way Kurapika walked. His gait was wobbly and unbalanced, and he noticed the blonde arbiter struggle to make his way towards his bed. 

“Yea, no I’m fine— ow!” Kurapika yelped as his foot made contact with his desk.

Kurapika looked like a crudely controlled marionette doll, and Leorio almost had to swallow down his laughter. 

“Are you drunk?” Leorio asked. 

“Of course not,” Kurapika responded, shaking his head from side to side. 

Even as a drunk he was adorable. 

Leorio clicked his tongue and leapt out of his four poster. He could smell the whiskey from a mile away. “Looks like you had fun tonight,” he commented. 

“It was ok.” Kurapika shrugged. “Lin brought the alcohol, and all of the arbiters had a little get together after.”

“Ah, that explains a lot,” Leorio said. He grabbed Kurapika’s arm and guided him to his own bed.

“I called your phone to invite you, you never answered,” Kurapika huffed. 

“Funny, it’s usually you that sucks at phones. Besides, it looks like you had a good time without my help.”

“No, I missed you,” Kurapika responded bluntly. He clumsily tried to kick off his shoes, frustrating himself in the process. 

Leorio let out a startled cough. “What about the dance, and Altan?” 

“Boring and pointless. Just like you predicted.”

Relief filled Leorio after hearing that statement, but he still felt a tinge of guilt knowing he was happy Kurapika had a shitty time. He tucked Kurapika’s drunken self into bed, turning his roommate to the side (just in case). 

“I should’ve stayed here with you instead.”

“Because I’m sure watching me work is thrilling stuff. I doubt you’ll be saying that when you sober up,” Leorio said, brushing off Kurapika’s remarks. 

He turned away to walk back to his own bed, only to feel a hand tug on his sleeve. 

“Hey, what is it—,”

Kurapika grabbed the collar on Leorio’s nightshirt with surprising strength. It was Leorio’s turn to trip on his own feet. He lay ungraciously sprawled on top of his shorter roommate in a display of messy too-long limbs. 

Kurapika stared up and his roommate, even with the dim lighting Leorio could see his hooded expression and his small mouth parted with an open invitation. 

It was all too much really. 

Leorio slowly got up, unsticking himself from Kurapika. “You should go to sleep,” his voice wavered. 

”Is it just me or are you always this oblivious?” Kurapika asked gruffly.

Before Leorio could even comprehend what Kurapika meant, soft lips crushed against his. Suddenly, the sweet taste of whiskey filled his own mouth 

Without thinking— Leorio kissed back. 

The kiss was brief, but it was whirlwind of pining, and sleep deprivation, and alcohol, and Leorio only managed to pull away after feeling Kurapika’s slender fingers dance at the top of his waistband. 

“H-hey.” He grabbed Kurapika‘s wrist, firmly placing it onto the mattress. 

“Hm?” Kurapika still latched his arms around Leorio’s neck. He frowned when the taller man rebuffed his advances. 

“You’re drunk. You need to stop,” Leorio said thickly. 

Realization made its way to Kurapika, and the whole situation caused the drunkenness in him to subside. 

Kurapika cleared his throat and sat up. “You’re right” His face blushed with mortification; the stinging rejection still rooted into the moment. 

“Goodnight Kurapika” Leorio mumbled. 

Kurapika stayed silent, letting the dawning realization of his actions complete sober him up.

The arbiters both stayed in their respective beds, lingering awkwardness still very much there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being inexcusably late, I just needed a bit of time to get my life together <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His stomach twisted onto thousands of tiny, unbreakable knots. The all too familiar feeling of anxiety ran rampant in his bloodstream. 
> 
> “When did you say that hawk arrived,” Killua replied coldly. Anger started to bubble up inside him at Pokkle’s lack of communication. 
> 
> “Hm… Probably around two days ago.” 
> 
> Killua ripped open the wax seal and scanned the page.
> 
> His blood ran cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .

“Yea, now just hold it steady. Try to make it last for more than five seconds this time,” Killua instructed.

Gon concentrated on his magic, focusing on the orange ball of light that sprung from his palms. His energy was the color of sunrise; warm and radiant— a perfect compliment to Killua’s blue.

“T-this is harder than it looks,” Gon struggled to keep the light in his hands until it eventually fizzled out into nothingness.

“It’s not easy conjuring magic without a wand or something you’re familiar with, so you’re doing pretty well,” Killua replied earnestly.

Gon really was a natural. It took years for Killua to even conjure up a decent spark from his fingers, and Gon managed to almost get it down in the span of a month.

“Yea, but I wanna be as good as Killua” Gon pouted. He stared at his palms and tried again, only to fail this time around.

“That’s not possible, you’ll never be as good as me. I’ll just keep getting better, while you struggle to play catch up,” Killua smirked.

“At least I’ll always be the strongest one out of the two of us.”

“Excuse m—“ Before Killua could finish his sentence, Gon threw himself at Killua. The magician stumbled back, falling head first into the ground.

“Get off of me you idiot,” Killua warned.

“Get out of this yourself,” Gon grinned mischievously.

Killua sent a light shock onto Gon’s thigh, barely painful but strong enough for his roommate to jump out of his position.

“Thats cheating!” Gon cried out.

“There’s no such thing as cheating when you’re fighting,” Killua informed him.

He quickly took this chance to roll himself over and pin Gon down. Currently, Killua was physically stronger, but he could sense the potential in Gon. Sooner rather than later Gon would eventually catch up to him, but for now Killua was allowed to act like the superior asshole.

“What did you say about being the stronger one,” Killua said cheekily.

He held Gon’s wrist steady and pressed hard enough that his fingernails dug into the plush carpeting.

“Try to get out of this,” Killua teased.

He could see the struggle in Gon’s expression, the way his freckled face scrunched up with irritation, and how he unwillingly resigned into the carpeting.

“Not. Fair.” Gon huffed.

“It totally is,” Killua snickered.

He rode that post victory high, not even noticing Gon craning his neck up to kiss him. It was short, barely even there, but the kiss still sent a jolt of electricity straight into Killua’s chest.

“What was that for?!” he demanded. His pale face heated up quickly (something it was doing more often than not), and he scrambled to hide his embarrassed face with his hands.

“Sorry, was that not okay?,” Gon asked.

The bastard didn’t sound apologetic at the least.

“No, it’s not that. Just…,” Killua’s heart beat erratically in his chest, to the point where it felt like it was close to leaping out of his throat. They teased each other a lot, but not going so far as to kiss. Kissing was an unspoken boundary, it broke the illusion and made everything up until this point feel real.

“You can’t just do things like that,” Killua said. A slight and growing panic made it’s way into his system. He could pretend up until this point, but not much more.

“I wanted to,” Gon replied like it was the simplest thing in the world.

“But why?”

Gon wiggled out of Killua’s now lose grip. He sat up to properly look at Killua, and their position became way more awkward than it was five seconds ago.

“Because I like you. Idiot,” Gon mimicked Killua’s less than endearing nickname for him.

The beating if his chest was deafening by now. It was a fusion of anxiety and curiosity, and Killua didn’t know what to make of it. Did Gon like him, or was it just Gon being awful at boundaries again.

But Gon just leaned forward and turned his head to the side. His large brown eyes looked tentative, as if he wordlessly asked for permission. Even in silence, Gon still made good conversation.

Killua slowly leaned the rest of the way in.

Warm hands made their way around Killua’s waist as the other rested at the base of his neck. Unlike Gon’s usual rugged exterior, his hands were gentle and his lips soft.

Just like Killua imagined, everything about Gon emitted warmth.

Awareness began to settle into Killua. Was he doing this right? Did he look like an idiot? But the possesive way Gon gently dug his hands into Killua’s hair made all the difference.

He tugged at Gon’s shirt and pulled the man closer to him. With more confidence, he suckled at Gon’s bottom lip, causing Gon to pull away in surprise.

It was Gon’s turn to blush, the upturns of his tanned cheeks dusted with a deep rose color. Killua felt a sense of accomplishment, having it be the first time where Gon was actually embarrassed by something

“I-s this okay with you Killua?” Gon asked again. He leaned back from Killua, his palms placed firmly on the floor to support himself.

Killua took this opportunity to crawl forward, his body slinking towards Gon.

“Yeah. More than okay,” he breathed against Gon’s mouth before taking it with his own.

Months ago, Killua would’ve never imagined things to fall into place like this. He often wondered if his attachment to Gon was due to lack of exposure, that maybe he was only wanting a connection that wasn’t there only because he’s never had one before. However, Gon’s voice is filled with nothing but want and fondness, and Killua knows it isn’t all in his head.

Something in him clicked, and Killua came to the realization that this is probably what love feels like.

Love wasn’t his mother’s wrath, or his brother’s watchful eye, and it wasn’t the weight of the whole Zoldyck name weighing down on his shoulders.

Love was where he was currently situated right now; on the floor of of his dorm room alongside his best friend.

Not the most romantic place, but perfect nonetheless.

* * *

“Aw shit,” Killua muttered.

Blood pooled beneath his feet, staining the bottom of his white sneakers. Feeding Mike was annoying and expensive, but raw steak was probably a better option than Pokkle. Unfortunately, the large box of meat faced more than one casualty upon arrival, leaving the box ultimately soaked in blood.

“Should I ask?” Kurapika called from the other side of the mailroom. He held a bundle of parchment scrolls in his arms, along with some neatly packaged spellbooks.

“Probably not,” Killua replied sheepishly.

“I’m still supposed to regulate the halls, and everything you’re doing looks incredibly illegal.” Kurapika stared up and down the bloodied first year, his eyebrows arched in judgement.

“Relax, they’re steaks. Just in case I get hungry in the middle of the night,” Killua explained.

Kurapika shook his head and ignored the poor joke. He took out his wand from his satchel and quickly waved it around the casualty. The blood sank into the cement flooring, slowly draining into the ground until it no longer appeared.

“I thought we couldn’t use magic outside of a classroom setting.”

“Murder also isn’t allowed, but here you are suspiciously holding a box covered in blood,” Kurapika replied.  
  
“Touché.” Killua shifted the box and rested it on his hip. Thankfully, he didn’t have to worry about the floor, but his clothes didn’t end up so lucky. “Where’s that gangly giant of yours anyways, aren’t you always around each other.”

Kurapika’s posture stiffened. “I should say the same about you and Gon,” Kurapika retorted.

It was already too late, Killua already caught that split second hesitation in Kurapika’s voice. “Something happened with you and Leorio, didn’t it?” Killua pressed on, a sly grin slowly emerged from his face.

“Nothing happened.” Kurapika said with a curt tone.

“Oh, now something definitely happened,” Killua teased. He really was a piece of shit sometimes, but he wasn’t going to give up the chance to make fun of Kurapika; this moment might never happen again. “Well I guess it isn’t your fault. You’re actually hard to read, but Leorio, he’s less of an open book and more of a loudspeaker,” Killua mused.

“Must be genetic,” Kurapika muttered.

Leorio and Gon were similar in that way, with their hearts wide open on their sleeves, and their strong personalities to match.

“So what did he do, confess his undying love and affection for you?”

Although Leorio was the easiest to make fun of, Killua actually liked Leorio. Under Leorio’s sometimes crass attitude was a layer of honesty and genuine compassion. Leorio was an open soul, not only by the words he spoke, but by the actions that followed after. Killua noticed how he would tail after Kurapika. He observed the lingering glances, the sudden alertness everytime Kurapika walked into the room.

Kurapika cleared his throat and stayed silent; he nervously shifted the items he carried along with him.

“He… didn’t?” Killua tried to guess. Kurapika wasn’t the best to pull personal information out of, so Killua had to rely on his award winning intuition for this one.

“No,” Kurapika replied cautiously.

“Oh wow Kurapika, I did not expect that,” Killua whistled. He would’ve slow clapped if it wasn’t for Mike’s dog food currently taking up his arm space. “You instigated something with Leorio, somehow it didn’t go well, and know you’re being all awkward about it,” Killua guessed.

“You sure you’re not a mind reader?” Kurapika accused with narrow eyes. Kurapika was always used to being the smartest one in any group, and although Killua was close to stealing that title, Kurapika couldn’t help but be impressed. Only someone with keen observational skills could deduce something this dumb.

“Huh, didn’t know it was your type.” Killua kept going. “I thought you’d be at each other's throats, but not in that way.”

“I could say the same for you,” Kurapika said, without missing a beat. He tugged on Killua’s thick scarf, and smirked at the blossoming red and purple marks decorated across Killua’s collarbone.

Damn. Killua thought he won this round.

“I knew it was too warm for a scarf that big,” it was Kurapika’s turn to tease.

“And you call me the mind reader,” Killua replied, clearly aggravated.

“Oh, I didn’t guess. Gon told me,” Kurapika smiled.

Killua pulled away from the arbiter. “Ok ok I get it. I’ll stop pestering you about Leorio and we can just drop this whole conversation, and forget this ever happened,” Killua offered.

“That’s all I wanted in the first place,” Kurapika replied amiably; all traces of malice gone.

They bid each other a quick farewell with their respective mail packages in tow.

Kurapika was as witty as he was quick, and Killua mentally noted to be weary of the next time he tried to pick verbal fights with the older student.

Kurapika may have won this round, but Killua will prevail in the end.

If he could get Gon to shut up first.

* * *

 

Tired feet dragged themselves to Killua’s old room. As it so happens, Pokkle’s dorm was inconveniently located on the complete opposite of the mailroom.

“Oy, open up! I don’t have any arms I can use to knock,” Killua yelled. Yes, he was stronger than most magicians, but that still didn’t make carrying an eighty pound box from one side of campus to another any less difficult.

“Coming!” he heard a muffled voice yell back.

Killua rushed inside and delivered the package to Mike’s food bowl. He collapsed next to the mini pool-sized plate, his arms and legs felt like jelly at this point.

Mike poked his head out of his tent; he completely ignored the Zoldyck and went right to sniffing the box.

“Hello to you too,” Killua grumbled. He pet his familiar between the ears, eliciting a soft growl from Mike. “I still don’t get how you’re more fine with rooming with a dog five times than a lizard thing the size of your palm.”

“Mike’s a dog. I know how dogs function. I’m familiar with them, and I don’t have to worry about them laying egg sacs in my earlobe.” Pokkle explained.

“Seriously?” Killua watched Mike devour half the contents in the box, his mouth dripped with leftover blood. His ten foot dog would make any seasoned magician cower in fear, yet Pokkle chose to be afraid of an amphibian.

“It’s a completely rational fear!” Pokkle defended.

“Hey, whatever you’re cool with man,” Killua shrugged.

This particular room changed completely from the first time Killua stepped foot in it; Pokkle really took the opportunity to make these four walls into his own. Pictures of arrows lined the wall, along with books and archery motifs.

“I’m guessing you’re into archery?” Killua asked, already knowing the answer.

“Been doing it as a lifestyle since I was able to hold a bow,” Pokkle announced proudly.

“Do you shoot from outside of the window?,” Killua pointed his chin at the cause of the giant draft in the room.

“Oh sorry, I forgot to close those,” Pokkle replied. He walked towards his desk and pulled out a modest blue envelope adorned with a beautiful gold wax seal. “A couple of days ago a giant brown hawk tried to fly through the window. It looked confused when it saw me, but it dropped this letter and I think it might be for you.”

He knew where that letter came long before he set eyes on it. Along for his family’s unsubtle flairs for dramatism came their version of “discreet” mail.

His stomach twisted onto thousands of tiny, unbreakable knots. The all too familiar feeling of anxiety ran rampant in his bloodstream.

“When did you say that hawk arrived,” Killua replied coldly. Anger started to bubble up inside him at Pokkle’s lack of communication.

“Hm… Probably around two days ago.”

Killua ripped open the wax seal and scanned the page.

His blood ran cold.

* * *

 

“Killua’s brother is visiting, that’s great!” Gon exclaimed.

“That’s not a good thing Gon,” Killua replied.

Killua paced anxiously on every available square foot of their dorm room. He ran through a couple ideas ideas already. He could act like everything is fine and dandy, maybe change rooms with Pokkle for a week until his brother leaves. That would only deter his brother. He could run away? No, not without Gon.

Maybe Killua was overthinking it. Maybe things would be fine.

Who was he kidding, it was Illumi. Of course things wouldn’t be fine.

“You’re really anxious about this aren’t you?” Gon said aloud. He stood behind Killua and wrapped his arms around his roommate.

“My family isn’t normal. I’ve told you about them before,” was the only thing Killua could muster. He tried to focus on Gon’s warmth, on the complete feeling he felt when Gon was near him. Panic rose to his chest knowing that could all be ripped away from him in a moments notice.

These were one of the rare times Gon chose to say nothing. He only nodded, not bothering to push Killua to say anything else.

Zoldyck family dynamics were such a weird thing to explain to an outsider. There were so many codes, rules, and habits that just weren’t normal. Isolation from other people wasn’t seen as a punishment, rather a way to preserve oneself. Emotional connection to anyone but his own family was equivalent to treason.

“I’m sure everything will be ok,” Gon tried to reassure him. He pressed soft kisses along Killua’s cheeks with his arms lazily wrapped across the assassins chest.

“It won’t be, he’s not someone that can be reasoned with.” The words felt thick, like bile. Killua was fully aware of his sociopath of a brother. Illumi was the perfect family machine: intelligent, obedient, and ruthless. He’s killed innocent blood simply because he felt like it, there’s no question what he’d do to Gon.

“If things can’t be right, then we’ll find a way to make it right,” Gon promised.

Gon didn’t know the full story. He hadn’t seen the dark facets of Killua’s life, nor did he seem to care for them. He took Killua’s family background with a grain of salt, seeing past the violence and focusing on Killua as a person.

“How can you be so optimistic all the time?”

“Aunt Mito always said there was good in everyone even if it’s really hard to see sometimes. It might be silly, but I believe her words hold truth,” Gon mentioned.

“No, it’s not silly,” Killua replied.

Through all his life, Killua knew he strayed from his siblings. He was always more rebellious, talkative, argumentative; for some odd reason he was never conditioned to be like most of the Zoldycks. Past his cool nature, he was far more human than the rest of them. He craved more than just familial bond, more than life inside of his mansion.

However, just because Killua had more of a soul than the rest of his brothers, he knew that somewhere deep inside Illumi, there was a twisted sense of good. His brother had his own moral compass that held Killua above all else. To Killua, “good” wasn’t just a black and white concept. Good was subjective and gray, and arriving to Padokea made him more sure of this concept.

“If everyone could be your version of good, no one would ever have any problems,” Killua smiled. He turned around to face Gon, and playfully carded his hands through Gon’s jet black hair.

“That wouldn't be fun. Then you wouldn’t get people like Leorio or Kurapika or Killua,” Gon listed out loud. “And I love you, I can’t imagine a world without Killua in it.”

Killua’s eyes widened briefly, only to settle into a knowing smile.

“Idiot,” Killua replied. He leaned forward and kissed Gon; all previous anxiety swept away for the moment being.

There was still so much uneasiness that came with Illumi’s impending arrival, but Gon eased the apprehension that clinged to every part of Killua.

Out of all of his family members, Illumi was the most unpredictable. He wouldn't hesitate to violently rip away someone Killua cared so much about, but at the same time, he might not do anything at all.

Gon’s warm hand snaked under Killua’s shirt, his fingertips thoroughly tracing every part of skin they could reach.

Killua melted into the touch. For now, he wouldn’t worry. He’d save all his problems for tomorrow morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little by little....


	6. Chapter 6

 

Professor Wing was probably the most unassuming teacher in Padokea. Having a class labeled Magic 101 only topped the very vanilla cake of this ordinary looking man. However, Killua was taught at birth to never judge a person’s strength at face value.

Most of the class time was spent surveying the students abilities and tweaking the best method from person to person. At a very basic level he taught budding magicians how to channel their energy, but Killua could tell he was far more skilled than he let on. More than a handful of times, Professor Wing had to counterattack a misfire or two, and Killua could see into the control and dexterity oh his actions. 

Although Killua excelled in offensive magic, he knew next to nothing when it came to defending. Illumi’s arrival was in less than a week and he needed someway to finetune it fast.

Hopefully Killua’s plan would work and he was worrying over nothing. All he had to do was switch rooms with Pokkle for an allotted time, and switch back once his brother leaves. Still, Killua’s intuition had never failed him before, and right now it was yelling at him to get stronger. Just like a force of nature, Illumi was wild and unpredictable. Killua repeatedly told himself everything would be ok, but in the back of his mind he knew that Illumi could easily find cracks in his facade. The last thing he wanted was for his friends to get hurt solely for existing. 

He waited for the rest of the class to pool out into the hallway, leaving only Wing and Gon.

“Professor,” Killua said aloud. 

“Yes Killua?” Wing replied. He tried to tuck his loose dress shirt back into his trousers, only to make the fabric look lumpy and awkward.

“I need you to teach me combative magic.” Killua commanded, not wasting any time.

“Same here,” Gon quipped in, much to Professor Wing’s dismay. 

Wing’s usual polite face twisted into a frown. He wasn’t particularly surprised or angry by Killua’s blunt order, if anything he looked more resigned. “I apologize, but I don’t believe that’s in the curriculum for this year, nor is it my field of expertise.”

“But I know you can—,”

“Killua. I’m not required to teach you any part of dueling with magic,” his familiar diplomatic voice broke into something more authoritative. “Besides, we aren’t even allowed to use magic outside of the classroom. There is literally no purpose in you learning such things.”

“I know you know who I am, I know the whole school does. I’m not exactly yelling it out in the hallways, but you’re all aware of the type of business my family is associated with,” Killua replied. 

“I’m familiar,” Wing said. Everyone knew what the Zoldycks were famous for. Magicians in high power sometimes used their infamous assassination services. Wing put his hand on Killua’s shoulder, a sympathetic expression spread across his face. “You’re a Zoldyck, you’ll learn what you seek soon enough.”

“I don’t have that kind of time,” Killua argued. 

“You’re years beyond the whole class, Gon too. Trust me, you’re both too young to even worry about things like this.”

“That’s not the point!,” Killua shouted. Panic rose to his chest, and he didn’t realize how much pent up anxiety he had up until this moment. “If you can’t teach me to fight, teach us how to defend.” he pleaded. 

“You want to defend?” Wing asked, suddenly confused by the whole request.

“Realistically, I’d like to learn both, but knowing how to defend myself is more important.” He stared anxiously at Gon, then back and Wing. “My family isn’t the type to approve me having any type of relationship outside of them. Just in case something happens, I want to know that I at least have a good chance to stop my friends from getting hurt,” Killua confessed. 

“And I hate being in the sidelines, so please consider teaching me as well,” Gon chided in.

Wing had been a teacher at Padokea the moment he learned he had a talent for magic. He’s spent years in this school, long enough to teach the two previous Zoldyck brothers. Their potential was unmatched, and although they were the perfect pupils, he could almost touch the adverse energy they gave off. They walked the school like apex predators, with their heads held high and their hearts barren, filled with nothing but pure contempt. 

When Killua glided into the class so easygoing and unobtrusive, Wing almost didn't believe he came from a family of murderers. Killua’s complete being was the exact opposite of what Wing had seen in the past. There was personality in there, the willingness to learn, and the kindness that was shown through his treatment of Gon. 

He looked at the desperate students, and pondered if teaching them was the right option. 

“I don’t have the clearance to teach you,” Wing began. “But I may know someone who does.”

* * *

Everything was so…. pink. From the ceilings down to the floor, cute baubles decorated every inch of the wall. Apart from all the lace and stuffed animals, Killua could make out monthly editions of playgirl magazines stacked neatly into an organized corner.

“Gon, Killua? What are you two doing here?” Bisky asked, her feet propped up on her girly office desk. “Haven’t you had enough of my class?”

“Believe me, I didn’t think I’d end up here either,” Killua muttered.

“Professor Kreuger. These two boys came to me asking to be trained in the art of defense, but I feel you’re more suited for this kind of training,” Wing explained. 

“Defense, well that’s new.” Bisky hopped out of her desk, eyebrows quirked up in curiosity. “What do you two possibly need to defend yourself against?” 

“Killua’s family reunion,” Gon replied. 

Bisky’s expression was contemplative, her playful demeanor laced with something more serious. Killua’s eyes followed her, unsettled by how unreadable she became. 

“Never have I trained a student quite like yourself. You’re not at all like your brothers are you?” She studied Killua’s face, his posture, and the energy that came along with him. “However you bear a striking similarity to your father.” 

“You knew my dad?” 

“He was one of the strongest wizards in history by the time I was a freshman in Padokea. It’s not like I knew him personally, but I was in a couple of classes with him,” she remembered. 

“How old are you again?” Gon asked. 

She bopped Gon on the head with one of her magazines. “It’s impolite to ask a woman about her age,” she chastised. 

“Ahh sorry,” Gon pouted as he rubbed his sore head. 

“As I was saying, you don’t take after your mom, but your dad looks like he had a semblance of a soul. Why not ask him for help?”she suggested.

“It’s… more complicated than that,” Killua struggled to explain the chaotic web that was his family dynamic. “He stays out of things like this. Ever since I can remember, he told me if I had any problems, I’d have to learn how to fix it myself. He’s not as bad as mom, but I’d label him far from the nurturing type.”

Bisky nodded. “And in case something happens, you want to protect Gon?” 

“Yea,” Killua responded. 

Calloused fingers intertwined with Killua’s.

“I want to make sure I can protect him too,” Gon said. 

Killua felt the beginnings of embarrassment dust his cheeks, but he tightened his grip along Gon’s fingers. 

“Ah, young love,” Bisky sighed and placed a heartfelt hand over the left side of her chest. “Fine, I’ll train you. But I’m warning you, this will be a hell of a lot harder than flying lessons.” 

* * *

It wasn’t like Leorio was actively trying to ignore Kurapika. If anything, he just wanted to lay low and let this situation breathe before acting out. He honored Kurapika’s reluctance to talk about what the happened on the night of the dance, but inevitably, a conversation was due.

He gets it, really he does. It’s an awkward topic that requires time and sensitivity. Even though Leorio is the opposite of patient, he cares about Kurapika enough to give him some space.

But Leorio was only a man, and a week was far too long to be purposely ignoring one another. Like he does with everything, Leorio took matters into his own hands. 

“Kurapika!!!” Leorio yelled at the top of his lungs, his voice reverberating around the large study hall.

Everyone and their mother turned to the sound of his loud booming voice. Leorio couldn’t tell if the redness of Kurapika’s face was from embarrassment or anger, but by the mortified glare, Leorio could guess it was probably both.

“Why are you yelling, this is a  _ library,”  _ Kurapika hissed, loud enough to get both of them kicked out. 

“Yea, this is the perfect place to corner you so we can step out and talk, ” Leorio disregarded the hushed angry voices that begged him to shut up. 

“Can’t we do this later?” Kurapika tried to reason. 

“Of course not,” Leorio escalated his tone just a little louder, much to the librarian’s chagrin. 

“Leorio, Kurapika,” Melody warned. “Please get out before I personally escort you myself.” 

Leorio tapped his foot impatiently on the marble tiling. Even the sharp heel of his shoe made an unnecessary tapping nose. “Well?” 

Melody shot him a sympathetic, yet adamant look, and Kurapika could only frown at the unfairness of it all. He gathered his things, making sure to shove all of his materials more aggressively than he usually would. 

“I swear you are one of the most rudest, inconsiderate—,”

“Yea yea, you can insult me outside. After all, there are people trying to study,” Leorio interjected. He pressed his palms against Kurapika’s back, ushering the blonde arbiter out of the library and into the freezing cold.

The weather outside almost immediately made him regret his fantastic decision to corner his roommate. Still, this situation beat the pussyfooting that had been going on for the past few days. 

“Look I didn’t want to take you out here, but—,” 

“About that night, I’m sorry,” Kurapika cut him off with an exasperated voice. He was shivering as he spoke as strong gusts of snow collected on the thick fabric of his clothes.

“Here, wait let me.” Leorio pulled out his own wand from his satchel. He created a giant semi-circle around them, which caused a small personal heat shield to surround the two arbiters. 

“Thanks.” Kurapika replied offhandedly. The green aura instantly dissipated the flecks of snow that it came in contact with.

“You know, you don’t have to apologize for anything. I just wanted things to stop being awkward between us.”

“I know. I’m sorry for ignoring you. Truth is, I felt really bad about kissing you last night. I was drunk and I forced myself onto you, and it’s really no excuse for my behavior,” Kurapika was rambling by now. 

“I’ve done my fair share of stupid and embarrassing things in the past, so it’s really no big deal. Kurapika, you’re one of my best friends, I don’t want us to ignore each other over something dumb like this.” 

“I know, it is dumb isn’t it?” A light chuckle escaped his lips, and the sound wrapped around Leorio’s heart. “I didn’t really know how to approach it, or how to say I’m sorry. Sometimes I’m kind of glad you’re the type of person who forces me to say what’s on my mind. I never got much of that growing up.” 

“As someone with no filter, I guess I should learn from you sometime too,” he laughed along with Kurapika.

All the tension and awkwardness disappeared along with the snow, leaving only one burning question Leorio wanted answers to.

“So why  _ did _ you try to come on to me?” He was so caught up in just having Kurapika talk to him, he hadn’t noticed how hard his heart was thrumming.

Kurapika’s smile abruptly stopped in place. The arbiter felt his tongue struggle and unravel as it tried to find the right words. “I thought you wanted me to,” he replied lamely. 

“I  _ wanted _ you to?” Leorio parroted back. 

Kurapika’s face began to heat up. He tucked a stray hair behind his ears and looked to the ground, a nervous habit he picked up. “Was I wrong?”

Leorio opened his mouth, then closed it in frustration. “I’m that easy to read huh?” 

“It’s not a bad thing ,” Kurapika replied honestly. “And I didn’t mind it as soon as I got used to you. I liked being around your company, and haven’t had a lot of experience for this kind of thing, so once I was filled with liquid courage, I asked myself why not?” 

“So you  _ used  _ me as a practice dummy?” Leorio said offendedly. 

“Don’t be dramatic. I wouldn’t have done what I did if I held no interest—,” 

“So you are interested?” Leorio blinked in surprise. 

“Your selective hearing is quite strong,” Kurapika replied. “But to answer your question, yes, you grew on me more than I care to admit,” Kurapika confessed. 

There was no sputtering or blushing for Kurapika, and for someone who was so inexperienced from romantic situations such as these, he still held himself as prideful as ever. Leorio on the other had, resembled something similar to a blubbering tomato.

“I’m… Very fond of you too,” Leorio stated; he tried his best to match Kurapika’s proper tone, but found it to sound more awkward than anything. He ran his fingers through his hair and let out a breath of disbelief. This was far from the first confession he’s ever made, but the one he felt the most anxious with. “And with the dance, and the date with Aldan?”

“That was true, and I did go after hinting multiple times that I’d rather be around you,” he replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“It just never crossed my mind to think that you’d ever see me that way. We’re just so…”

“Different?” Kurapika chuckled. “I’m pretty sure everyone can see that.”

Leorio’s heart felt lighter than it had felt this past school year. He couldn’t help the way his lips upturned into a stupid grin he knew he couldn’t control. Suddenly something so distant was within reach, and leorio almost didn’t know how to process this information. 

His feet moved before his brain had a chance to speak, and the distance between the two arbiters closed within seconds. His mouth lingered impatiently over Kurapika’s, a silent gesture awaiting a response.

In reply, Kurapika stepped back. 

“This isn’t a good idea.” His tone was resolute, leaving Leorio confused. 

“You didn’t think it was a bad idea a couple of nights ago,” Leorio accused. 

“I was drunk, and that’s not an excuse, but that’s the reason why it happened.”

“Wait, did I just make up everything that happened in the last 5 minutes, or did we just confess that we’re into each other.”

“We did.”

“And this,” he gestured crudely at the both of them. “This isn’t okay?” The elation in his chest was immediately replaced with an unsettled feeling he wasn't prepared for. He planned out the steps to getting over a rejection, but not for a rejection that involved well returned feelings. 

“I’m not a person anyone should date,” Kurapika replied, unnerved by the whole situation. 

“That isn’t your decision to make. You don’t get to decide what I want or what I think of you.” Leorio argued. 

“But I also have a say in this, I mean, I have the right to reject this proposal.”

“Kurapika, this isn’t one of your business transactions, this is about two people who like each other. Things don’t have to be so difficult!” Leorio explained. “Are you scared of what people might say, cause I sure as hell  _ thought _ I was straight the beginning of this school year.”

“Of course that doesn’t bother me! But we’re roommates, and we both have so much to do before we graduate and—,” 

“But I like you enough to try,” Leorio interjected. “And if it doesn’t work, then fine, but at least we can say that we tried to make it work.” It was hard not to feel hurt over this whole ordeal. The stinging sensation in Leorio’s chest grew deeper with each passing second. 

“Leorio, try to understand,” Kurapika began. “You’re my best friend, and you’re one of the only people I have. I got close to you in such a short amount of time, and I can’t gamble everything just to try something that may not work out.”

“But why not? The next steps feel so easy, but you just want to pretend this never happened.” 

“I don’t want this to turn into more than it is, and I’m scared it will. When you’ve lost everything, it’s easy to try not to place value in other things, Just in case…,” Kurapika’s voice was rough and uneven. He trailed off, his bottom lip trembling in agitation. He breathed in deeply and cleared his throat . “If you want a simpler message, I’m not ready for a relationship, or to even try, and I don’t think I will be for a really long time.”

“Kurapika.” Leorio reached his hand out to touch Kurapika’s cheek, to provide any kind of comfort he could; but the blond arbiter just turned his face away. Yea, this whole ordeal hurt like hell, but Leorio wasn’t going to be a dick when it came to baggage he couldn’t comprehend. 

“Sorry if you were expecting something else,” Kurapika muttered. 

Leorio pulled his hand away as if it had been burned. “No, don’t say that. Don’t be sorry.” he reassured Kurapika. 

That something reachable felt so foreign now, and the uncomfortable silence left a poignant taste on Leorio’s tongue. 

“Do you want to head back to the dorm with me? I think I should get some rest,” Kurapika asked after a while.

“Yeah, of course,” his voice sounded crestfallen, and even if he tried, he couldn’t deny what he felt. 

Although the shield protected them from the remaining snow, Kurapika’s nose was still ruddy from being exposed to the snow. Leorio waved his arms to create a bigger shield for the both of them, a larger space which Kurapika was grateful for. 

Kurapika stayed silent, the only sounds being the crunching of snow that left his boots. 

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m glad we had this talk before we did anything we would both regret,” Leorio spat out while he absentmindedly ruffled the top of Kurapika’s hair. “Like you said, we’re friends. I enjoyed being your friend before all this complicated shit surfaced, so please don’t get caught up over this. It’s ok, everything is ok. We’ll figure it out, and move past this like it never happened,” he lied. 

Kurapika cracked a small smile, the ones that would push Leorio’s tongue to beg to spout out unsaid words. To Leorio, this was always more than an attraction, and it was far too late to muddle the feeling with deception. 

For now, everything was not ok. 

But it would be. 

It had to be.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m not trying to run away,” he argued. 
> 
> “But you’re not taking chances either,” Bisky replied.

“You boys need to  _ focus, _ ” Bisky shouted. She launched another wave of pellet like shots at the two men, her frustration apparent.

The knowledge that this was Bisky’s easy mode terrified Killua, and excited Gon. The attacks felt similar to being pelted by softballs— except having them shot at 90 miles an hour. 

“You can’t just dodge all the time, it’ll tire you out too fast. You need to learn how to cast a shield!” Bisky yelled from across the room.

“There’s no time to!” Killua argued helplessly. The barrage of magic kept coming, like an unending vat of energy.

“Then you  _ make  _ time to,” Bisky suggested. “You’re already getting hurt, so drop your strengthening spell and cast a real shield like we practiced.” 

Killua glared at her like the sadistic monster she was. There was no way in hell he was going to drop the only thing that was keeping his bones from cracking into peanut brittle. Blocking spells and any other type of magic that would harden skin defense for a brief period was easy to cast in a short amount of time, casting a full blown shield was another story.

Defense wasn’t Killua or Gon’s forte, and the begrudging look of defeat was proof of it. Teamwork wasn’t even an option when it came to Bisky’s attacks since her bullets floated around them, tracking anything and everything that moved. 

“Be thankful the only thing they’re doing is pelting you, it can be a lot worse if I was being serious. You have the knowledge that you’re not going to die after this match, so use that to your advantage.” 

There were no openings, at least none he could find. He could switch out his blocking spell and create a proper shield for him and Gon, granted he wouldn’t be knocked out by the force of Bisky’s magic. 

“How much do you want this Killua. How much are you willing to give to protect your friends?,” Bisky asked, no taunt in her voice. 

This was only training. Bisky wasn’t near her full power, and Illumi would be far worse, and much less forgiving than what he was enduring right now. He had no litmus test to see how much it would hurt if he suddenly dropped his spell. His first instinct was to run, to find the nearest exit and sprint out of there. However, it was as if Bisky sensed that was his main game plan all along, as the room she took them to held no exit except for the door she was currently blocking. 

“I want this more than anything,” Killua struggled to reply. It took Padokea for Killua to realize how smothered he was under the watchful eye of his family. The small taste of exemption was addicting. There was so much to do and a whole unknown world that he never got to see, and he wasn’t going to let that slip through his fingers. 

Bisky nodded, and cast a ball of energy with her opposite hand. “I’m feeling generous, so I’ll warn you two beforehand. This next attack will cut through whatever half-assed spell you’re putting up right now, so be prepared,” she warned. 

For Killua, everything seemingly happened in slow motion and in the blink of an eye. He had no time to react before the blast hit the two of them. He shielded himself with his arms to brace the impact, only to have Gon stand in front of him. Gon’s shield was weak, but suitable enough to give Killua enough time to cast a more re-enforced one. 

“Good save,” Killua called out. He stood in front of Gon, protecting the both of them. 

“Yea, that was.. Difficult..,” Gon managed to gasp out. 

Killua heard a thud behind him, not realizing at first that Gon had collapsed. 

“Gon!” Killua cried. He immediately dropped his shield, and worriedly sat next to his friend.

Bisky’s magic stopped instantly as she hopped over to survey the situation. “Don’t worry, he’s fine. He just has the wind knocked out of him,” Bisky reassured him. 

The collapsed first year almost looked peaceful, if it wasn’t for the slightly charred marks that lined his arms from his shoulders to his wrist. 

“This kid is really something” Bisky mused. She knelt down to Gon’s dormant body and hovered her fingers across his maimed arm. Killua could hear cracking of bones readjusting, yet Gon’s body stayed unphased. 

“I can’t believe he did that,” Killua muttered in awe. Gon didn’t even think, he just acted in a time of necessary action. Shame dawned upon the Zoldyck, knowing Gon did something that he didn’t have the courage to do. 

“I’ve watched you two very closely these past few sessions, and I’ve come to a few conclusions. In all aspects of fighting, you’re superior to Gon in every way. However, being stronger than someone else doesn’t always secure a win. He treats every flight like he has nothing to lose, and unless you can do that yourself, you can never achieve what you truly want,” she lectured him. 

Killua picked up his limp friend and hoisted Gon onto his back. The weight of this lesson hung heavy in his chest. 

“Then I’ll try harder, I’ll train—,”

“Killua, this is less an issue on your talents and more on whatever you have going on in your head. Your fighting style heavily relies on you to be stronger than your opponent, yet you know the one you’re going to face is much stronger than you are right now. Sometimes running away won’t be an option, sometimes there won't be exits no matter how hard you try to look for one,” Bisky said.  

“I’m not trying to run away,” he argued. 

“But you’re not taking chances either,” Bisky replied. “And Gon will. He will do everything in his power to try to win a fight, and unless you’re willing to give him that same type of commitment, it’s better off to cut ties now.”

Killua’s turned his body around at breakneck speed, he could feel the anger rising from his chest. “That’s not an option.”

“Look kid, I’m not trying to start anything with you, but you know better than anyone who you’re going to be up against. I’m suggesting this alternative as a precaution. Will you be able to fight alongside him when time comes?” 

“Of course,” Killua replied in a heartbeat. 

“Then there shouldn’t be anything to worry about.” Her tone was graver than Killua was comfortable with. 

He left the room without a farewell, replaying her warning over and over again until it was the only thing that occupied his head. 

* * *

The absence of Gon became so foreign to Killua. Gon had took on the habit of crawling into Killua’s bed whenever he felt like it, and it’s been more frequent in the past week. Killua stared at his sleeping roommate, before deciding to lay along next to him. Gon was a light sleeper by nature, so it was rare to see Gon in such a tranquil state.

He reached his hand to lightly stroke Gon’s face. His fingers danced along Gon’s cheek, moving down underneath his jaw, and traveled across his face to trace the endless freckles that dusted his face. 

Gon’s face scrunched up, and the first year let out a long yawn. His eyes fluttered open, and his face broke into a large smile upon seeing Killua. 

“How are you feeling?” Killua asked. 

“A little stiff. Nothing hurts, but my arm can’t really move correctly,” Gon frowned. “It’s like it’s being held in one place against my own will.” 

“That’s cause you broke it trying to deal with Bisky’s blows. She fixed it for you, but you shouldn’t move it too much for now.”

“Huh, wow I guess It was a good thing I blacked out while she was healing it,” he replied, unfazed at the fact that his PE teacher basically maimed him. “I didn’t know Bisky knew so much about all this, isn’t she incredible?” 

“Yeah.” Killua replied offhandedly. He burrowed himself farther into the blankets, in hopes that they could drop this conversation. 

“You okay there Killua,” Gon responded playfully. He lifted up the blankets, trying to find his friend in the mass of soft linen. 

“I'll be fine,” Killua said thickly. He laid face down on the bed in prone position, facing the opposite direction of his roommate. 

“Was today’s training hard on you too?” Gon asked. 

Killua shook his head slowly, regretting being in the same room as Gon. He felt like shit, worse that shit. This was the first time in his life that he truly felt  _ weak. _ Regardless of if Illumi’s visit ended up being harmless, being friends with Gon would inevitably become a problem for his family. Even with this in mind, he still couldn’t muster up a measly shield. 

“No,” he sniffled. 

Killua felt the sheets shift a little, he could feel Gon reposition himself to where he hovered worriedly over Killua. 

“You’re not ok,” Gon stated. He reached out and gently shook Killua, only to frown at Killua’s unresponsiveness. “Hey, what’s wrong,” Gon asked much softer this time. 

“Just leave it alone,” Killua could barely stop his voice from cracking. He sniffled into his pillowcase and scooted his body further away from Gon, who in return wrapped his arms around his roommate. 

“You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to, but I’m not leaving you unless you push me away,” Gon said stubbornly. 

Killua felt Gon’s face nuzzle the back of his neck; he was completely dumbfounded by how comfortable everything was in such a short amount of time. He slowly turned his body around to Gon, only to muffle his face onto the top of Gon’s shirt. 

“Now I know somethings really troubling you,” Gon murmured into Killua’s hair. He felt Gon’s fingernails drag softly along his scalp in a soothing repeating motion. 

Knowing all this might be taken away from him struck a line of fear in Killua’s heart. Everything felt like a facade, this felt  _ too  _ good. It was as if Gon was a sick test he needed to be put through. After being primed of learning how to be alone, he finally had something he wanted to keep so badly, only to not know if he could. The anxiety was almost too heavy to bear, and he knew he only had so much time to put things off. 

“I really hate how you always try to carry everything on your own,” Gon spoke softly. 

“Huh?” Killua replied. He removed his face from Gons chest, suddenly caring how puffy and tear strained his face looked. He was a mess, but Gon didn’t seem to care. 

“You’re always trying to hide things from me. Like you’re trying to protect me from something. I'm not soft and I don’t need to be looked after Killua. It’s like you don’t even know who I am,” Gon laughed good naturedly. 

“You have no idea what you’re facing up against. My family—,”

“I don’t care.” Gon replied, successfully cutting Killua off mid speech. “Just because you have more training than me, doesn’t mean I’ll be helpless when the time comes. Gon laughed at Killua, and wiped his ruddy face with one of his sleeves. “I just want you to have more faith in me, ok?”

“Your stubbornness is going to get you killed one day,” Killua said, clicking his tongue.

“Aunt Mito would tell me that too. But I’m still here aren’t I?” 

“How can you be so.. so you,” Killua said with disbelief. “You’re literally scared of nothing, it’s like you have no self preservation at all.” 

“Don’t get me wrong, I do get scared at times. But something in my gut tells me that whatever happens, I’ll find my way back to you. So don’t worry too much Killua, I don’t like seeing you sad.” 

He nudged his roommate and invited Killua to sit next to him on the plush carpet.

“If you’re going to pout, might as well practice your self healing spells while you’re at it. We shouldn’t waste anymore time,” Gon insisted.

“Thanks Gon, for knowing how to deal with everything that I’m throwing at you,” Killua said.

Gon only nodded, and briefly squeezed the assassins hand. He put his finger to his lips, effectively causing Killua to shut up and focus in the spell at hand.

Wordlessly, Killua joined Gon in his meditative stance, suddenly feeling much better than he did five minutes ago. 

* * *

For the past few days, things have been normal enough in the arbiter dorms. It’s as if Leorio and Kurapika finally got back into the swing of things again. They easily got back into their regular routine of light bickering and late night groveling over papers, and things felt fine for the most part.

Daytime was fine, it was was the night that bothered Leorio the most. It was seeing Kurapika curled up on his favorite corner on the couch, having mentally clocked out a couple of minutes prior, or the way their hands brushed while reaching for the same item, it was all the little things that reminded him that this comfort wasn’t real.

Keeping up the guise of comfortability was beginning to be excruciating for Leorio. The false sense of domesticity was even worse knowing at the end of the day, nothing would come of it. 

It was prolonging the inevitable, and damn did it hurt. 

Like Leorio promised, they went on as if nothing ever happened. But things  _ did  _ happen, and these feelings were there, and they were currently ruining his life. 

His affections only kindled brighter, and there was only one way Leorio knew how to keep them at bay. 

“That’s quite a lot of books you got there, are you planning one of your major study sessions at the library?” Kurapika asked, as he placed his own stack of school materials neatly to the side of his desk. “I mean I’ve seen you messy before, but it’s never this bad.”

“It’ll be out of your hair soon, just rearranging a couple of things,” Leorio explained. Packing up to leave was a lot harder as soon as Kurapika stepped into the room, it’s as if each item weight has heavy as a bundle of cinderblocks. 

“Spring cleaning then?”

“Not exactly.”

“Your vague answers are suspicious,” Kurapika teased. He sat atop Leorio’s desk, adding on to the already growing mess. “What are you really doing? It looks like like you’re getting ready to move,” he observed nonchalantly. 

“About that..” Leorio got up from his crouched position, pretending to dust off non-existent dirt from his pants. “I petitioned for a room change last night, and it uh, It got approved.”

The air between then became quiet, yet the questions in Kurapika’s head grew louder with each passing moment. 

“ _ Why? _ ,” Kurapika managed to ask. “I mean I can list a few reasons why, but everything seemed to be going so well.”

“Things were going a little too well. I mean thought I could just live with you and pretend like I’m not affected by anything, but it turns out that shit is harder said than done,” he let out a forlorn chuckle.

“Leorio, we could’ve talked about it. We can figure out something to make this arrangement work,” Kurapika tried to argue. 

“And then what? Spend all that work to have nothing change? As dumb as it sounds, I can’t just drop whatever feelings I have for you.”

“You’ll get over it eventually,” Kurapika argued. “Just don’t dwell on it so much. I don’t see why you’d have to go as far as to move out.”

“Dammit Kurapika! For a know-it-all, sometimes you can be socially inept!” Leorio yelled. 

“Socially inept?!” Kurapika looked more confused than annoyed at the insult. “I’m simply saying that if you don't focus on these particular emotions, they should pass sooner or later.”

Leorio scratched the back of his neck and sighed out of frustration. He knew better than to argue with Kurapika. He walked up to the younger arbiter, making sure not to knock over all the materials he splayed out on their floor. 

“You and I are different,” he tried to reason with his blonde roommate. He placed both his hands on Kurapika’s shoulders and stared back at Kurapika’s cool gaze. “Like completely different actually, so different I honestly don’t get how we got along so well.”

“Too well apparently,” Kurapika echoed Leorio’s previous statement. “But I like this, this dynamic and everything. I don’t want it to go away,” he admitted. 

“Me too. I like it a lot, but knowing this is all that it can be, I don’t think I can be around this friendship without wanting it to turn to something more. Kurapika, I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you,” Leorio confessed. 

Kurapika shook his head in disbelief. “It’s just everything that’s happened in the past couple of days, whatever you’re feeling it’s all in your head. You’re not in love with me, you just want what you couldn't have, so now you’re replacing it with these made up emotions.”

“Maybe, and maybe when I look back on this you’ll be right about everything. You somehow always are. But as of this very moment, you can’t tell me what to feel. We have different ways of coping with things, and maybe you’ve already forgotten what you felt for me, but I’m certain being in a room with you just makes what I feel for you a lot worse.”

A dull pain made its way to the base of Kurapika’s heart. He reached out to place his hand softly on top of Leorio’s, suddenly aware of the impact this situation was having on Leorio. “Then I suppose you’re right, this is for the best.” 

“Sorry for making things more complicated than it needed to be,” Leorio said.Yea, maybe he was hoping for a different response, maybe he wished Kurapika didn’t agree so easily, but he would accept this answer too. 

“Technically I was the one who sparked it,” Kurapika replied with no humor in his voice. 

“It’s probably best you did. Negative and toxic feelings can come out when things aren’t properly out in the open, and I would have spent my last year here pining over you in an unhealthy way.”

“Feelings aren’t good for me either, they get in the way of a lot of things. If I had the choice, I’d rather not have them. They’re just an inconvenience,” Kurapika added on. 

“Plus I’m graduating this year, so it wouldn’t have worked out anyways. I have exams to study for, and terrible papers to grade,” Leorio continued to list the cons of what could have been. 

Kurapika’s voice dropped into a somber tone. “I wouldn’t be up late grading those terrible papers with you. Who am I going to complain to?” 

“Hey, just cause I’m moving out doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. That’s just a dumb way to think. There’s always the library, or a billion different spots where we can grovel in agony together, plus arbiter dorms are like ten feet away from each other. This room change is just helping me do what you want me to do, which is to get over whatever this is,” he gestured to the both of them.

“It won’t be the same,” Kurapika said casually. “We could list out all the bad parts of rooming together, but in the end I’d rather have you stay. But I guess I really messed that up didn’t I?”

“Don’t feel bad about any of this, neither of us could control how we felt. I just need to leave before it gets any worse for the both of us.”

“I understand,” Kurapika replied, as if he was listening to basic instructions. 

Leorio admired the way Kurapika could keep his composure steady, while Leorio was barely able to function. Kurapika made it feel more like a transaction rather than a goodbye, and maybe it was better that way. If either of them delved into the “what if’s” too much, it would just be harder to move forward. 

“Don’t just sit there lookin pretty, hand me those books will ya,” he ordered the blonde. “And stop looking so sad, we still have the same lunch hours, and I technically have to make face during those mandatory arbiter meetings—,” 

“Thus, the word mandatory,” Kurapika emphasized. He handed Leorio each book one by one, and watched his lanky roommate neatly organize his items inside his diamond patterned briefcase. 

“I don’t know if I’ll miss your smart ass comments.”

“I’ll miss yours,” Kurapika replied without provocation. 

“I swear the only time you’re this nice to me is when I’m leaving.” The joke fell flat, and even Leorio couldn’t even bring himself to fake a laugh. He expected this conversation to feel like a quickly ripped off band aid. Instead, it was more like a slow burn straight to the pit of his stomach. 

“It’s probably the sentimentality I’m feeling at the moment,” Kurapika said.

“Well stop, cause it’s making this goodbye a hell of a lot harder than it has to be,” Leorio replied gruffly. 

“It’s going to suck regardless,” Kurapika pointed out. “Everything I’m feeling is new for me too, and I guess being transparent is my way of dealing with it.” He got off Leorio’s desk and knelt down to help his ex roommate pack. 

“At least you’ll have your own room for a while. I’m moving into one of the old personal dorms. It’s a third of the size of this one, but at least I won’t have anyone blocking my view.”

“And I won’t have you accidentally walking into the room naked.”

* * *

Little by little, the mess began to disappear, leaving only two suitcases and a room much too big for one person. They spent their time prolonging the move with superficial conversations and light bantering. The sun already set by the time they finished something that should’ve taken them less than two hours to complete.

“I should be heading out now,” Leorio said reluctantly. 

“Yeah, and I should probably get back to studying,” Kurapika replied. 

Kurapika almost wished he wasn’t here for the whole move out process. Watching Leorio leave was much harder than coming back to an empty space, and ending on amicable terms somehow hurt more than being angry. 

“Hey, there’s still an empty table here if you need a private place to study,” Kurapika offered. 

“And if you ever need me I’m just a couple of rooms away,” Leorio replied back. 

They both knew these suggestions would fall through. 

There were a number of things Kurapika wanted to say, but wouldn’t allow himself to. He knew that doing so would only result in more difficulty. He didn’t bother watching Leorio disappear down the hall, as it caused him to feel more moody than he’d like. 

The door shut behind him, and although Kurapika was no stranger to being alone, the two person loft still felt emptier than he was comfortable with. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to finish this lol


	8. Chapter 8

“Killua will be impressed when he sees this, won’t he boy?” Gon told Tepachi.

The Kanopi was already the size of a deer by now. His once lame leg kicked with excitement as he watched Gon’s magic zoom through the air around him. 

With a lot of time spent on individual training, Gon’s abilities grew immensely. He ditched his wand not too long ago, and learned how to properly harness his energy much faster than he was able to at the start of the semester. 

“I can even throw my magic like Bisky does, although it doesn’t stay in the air for long,” Gon told his pseudo-pet. Tepachi made a gurgling noise of affirmation and rubbed the top of his head against Gon’s side. 

For the rare chance that Gon wasn’t connected to the hip with his white haired friend, he used the remainder of his time on training and hanging out with the Kanopi. The creature’s once lizard like body elongated into something more feline. His webbed appendages held their aquatic shape, only now covered with thick metallic scales of every color imaginable. Little spiral like horns began to sprout on top Tepachi’s head, decorating his crown. 

“You’re growing into yourself nicely, Kite even says so,” he complemented the beast, earning a slobbery lick to the side of his face. 

Warm orange light began to spill from gon’s fingers, his magic spikey and solid, unlike Killua’s blue jagged lines. “Watch this,” he said to Tepachi. He concentrated on adding more strength to his attack, focusing until the magic became detached and malleable. He threw the energy ball up into the air, physically throwing it far enough to hit the other side of the barn. 

The mini explosion ripped through the interior’s heavy wood, causing the material to cave into itself.

“Shoot!,” Gon cursed. He surveyed the damage he caused, suddenly wishing he paid more attention to the small segment of repairing charms in Pariston’s class. “Kite’s going to kill me,” he groaned. It wasn’t so much of the damage that he was trying to hide, rather the blatant scorch marks that lined the opening.

“No need to fret,” an unfamiliar voice echoed through the barn. Pink tendrils appeared almost out of nowhere, quickly reversing Gon’s damage in a matter of seconds. Gon’s eyes widened, he could almost  _ feel  _ the strength that emanated from where the voice came from.

“Thanks…,” his gratitude trailed off as he came face to face with one of the most eclectic looking individuals he’s laid eyes on. The magician was tall with fiery red hair, his face as well as his clothes were decorated with card motifs. He held a vulpine grin that seemed to stretch out the more he sensed how uncomfortable Gon was. 

“That’s quite impressive for someone your age. Some magicians won’t ditch their wands in their whole lifetime, and you’ve already done it,” the way the magician drawled out his words sent shivers up Gon’s spine. 

“Are you a student?,” Gon carefully asked. The air of maliciousness only grew stronger. Tepachi sat between Gon’s legs, his ears alert and ready to defend. He absentmindedly stroked the back of the Kanopi’s head, trying his best to calm Tepachi down. 

“An Alumni, sort of. I don’t think I’m all that welcomed though,” Hisoka pouted. “Now tell me boy, how long have  _ you _ been here?” 

“I’m a first year,” Gon answered. He tried to choose his words wisely, but something told him it wouldn’t matter if he withheld information from this man.

Hisoka’s smile dropped into a hard pressed line, but the glimmer in his eyes grew brighter as he studied the first year. “So young, and with so much talent already,” Hisoka murmured. His eyes flicked to the previous area that Gon destroyed. “And how long did it take you to learn how to create those projectiles?,” Hisoka asked, genuinely curious.

“Does it matter?” Gon replied, channeling his inner Killua. He tried to make his body language look as unassuming as possible, but that did little to fool the clown.

“Talented  _ and _ cheeky, my favorite combination,” the stranger grinned. He walked towards Gon with long calculated steps, the sound of his heels clicking sharply against the concrete. “I’m Hisoka, may I ask what your name might be?” he held out a hand, unphased by Tepachi’s sudden growling. 

“Gon,” the first year replied confidently, ignoring Hisoka’s invitation for a handshake. Gon could sense how dangerous Hisoka was from a mile away, but he trusted his gut and stayed in place. He stroked Tepachi’s rough feathers in a failed attempt to comfort the beast.

“And this is your familiar?” he asked, shooting a smile at the creature. 

Tepachi screeched in return. 

“How cute,” Hisoka commented, unperturbed. 

“He sees you as a threat,” Gon said. 

“Good instincts,” he praised the Kanopi. His eyes moved to Gon. “To the both of you.”

An invisible force coiled itself around Gon’s midsection, roughly hoisting him up into the air until he was eye level with the taller man. 

“H-Hey!,” Gon yelled. His arms felt as though they’ve been tied with strong wire. Usually, magic would easily be seen with the naked eye, but to cast a spell so effortlessly that caused ones magic to be hidden beyond plain sight was a feat in it’s own. Tepachi bellowed loud and deep, the sounds of his anger echoed loudly throughout the barn. 

Hisoka clicked his tongue in mild irritation, with a slight flick of his other hand Tepachi’s screeching abruptly stopped. The Kanopi was floored to the ground, his teeth bared in panic and defense, yet not a peep was heard. 

“Tepachi!,” Gon yelled helplessly. 

“Oh you named him, how adorable,” Hisoka commented. “Don’t worry, he’s simply immobile at the moment. Couldn’t have him clawing at my throat while I got a better look.”

Hisoka stalked over to Gon; his stare alone caused the hairs on the back of Gon’s neck stand up straight. From the moment Gon laid eyes on Hisoka, he could tell this was no normal magician. 

“Gon,” the older magician pronounced his name slowly, as if he was tasting every letter he sounded out.  He observed Gon’s angry expression, his grin growing wider the angrier Gon became. He walked close enough until they were half a foot apart, and without hesitation Gon sent a strong roundhouse kick hitting Hisoka square in the jaw. 

The kick was enough to send an average person fly through the barn, but Hisoka only bent backward, his body in a perfect crab walk position. He used one hand to spring himself back up, his lower jaw bloodied by the impact. 

His invisible grip around Gon was as tight as ever. Gon clenched his teeth at his failed attempt to escape. Strange enough, HIsoka looked almost… euphoric? 

Hisoka’s eyes danced with enthusiasm, his tongue darted out of his mouth, licking off blood from his freshly split lip. This action only caused his breath to hitch more unevenly.

“What are you here for?” Gon demanded, although he was in no position to demand things.

“Just hunting for something exciting. And it looks like my search wasn’t fruitless,” Hisoka chuckled. He shook his head which seemed to snap him out of his crazed state. He curled his fingers, effectively dropping whatever spell he had on Gon. 

Gon landed with an unceremonious drop and scrambled towards Tepachi. 

“Let him go too!” Gon demanded. 

“Almost forgot,” Hisoka teased. Tepachi launched himself with breakneck speed, only to hurdle into Hisoka’s newly casted shield. 

Gon was shaking all over, but he kept his voice leveled and his stance ready for combat. 

“No need for that, I won’t fight you, at least not yet,” Hisoka smirked, still clearly intrigued by Gon. “Practice a lot more, and you’ll become an amazing magician a lot sooner than you may think,” Hisoka praised. 

“So that’s it, you’re just going to walk away from this?!” Gon shouted at the older man. His heart beat so wildly, he was afraid it might pop out of his chest at any moment. Every cell in his body buzzed with fear, and it almost felt exhilarating. He knew Hisoka was leagues beyond him in regards to strength, but something inside of him was curious to see  _ how  _ strong Hisoka actually was. 

Hisoka’s body tensed slightly at Gon’s invitation to fight. He shuddered slightly, and inhaled deeply until he managed to calm himself. “As much as I’d love to stay around and chat, I have a meeting I’m already late to. I can however assure you, we will meet again  _ Gon _ ,” he waved. 

And just like that, Hisoka disappeared. Considering how dramatic he dressed, Gon expected a flurry of color and light to fill the now empty air. However, he went just as he came, seemingly out of thin air.

* * *

There were so many things that needed to be done rather than wallow in self pity, yet Kurapika was doing just that. Many people would be glad to have their own room, and Kurapika had always been the type to prefer solitude over company, but there was something lonesome about having two desks and two beds and having no one to occupy them.

His eyes scanned the same page of his history textbook for the fourth time before he succumbed to his inability to concentrate. He rested his head against his desk, almost bemused at himself at how easy it was to enjoy another person’s presence after a long period of isolation.

Sure he’s been here for three years already, and there have been inevitable group projects and rotating roommates, but this was the first time he felt a hollowness accompanied with Leorio’s leave.

Without thinking, he walked over to Leorio’s empty four poster and let himself drop inelegantly onto the mattress. The bed still smelled faintly of the cloves Leorio used to smoke and Kurapika was almost surprised by the sudden lurch in his heart at remembering the scent.

He waited to yell at himself for wasting precious time and energy on his one person pity party, but he  _ missed  _ Leorio. No matter how much he tried to push the feeling back, the sadness was evidently there.

An abrupt knock on the door broke him out of his state of immature wallowing. 

The knock grew louder, followed by the sound of shuffling feet. 

His first guess was Gon, the young man would often visit arbiter quarters. Kurapika hadn’t seen the first year in a while, and he figured he could at least get dinner with the kid before he loses another friend. After all, he seemed to have a knack of ruining interpersonal relationships. 

“Hold up, I’m coming,” Kurapika replied surly, with a voice much unlike himself. He got up from the bed and waved his arms towards the door, effectively opening the latch while standing a good couple feet away. 

His eyes were met with a much taller and older looking Gon.

“Hey,” Leorio awkwardly stood by the doorway, unsure of whether to step in or not. 

“This was your room less than 24 hours ago, you can step inside whenever you’d like,” Kurapika said. 

“Respecting boundaries is something that I had to harshly learn from you,” he laughed and welcomed himself in.

Kurapika couldn’t stop the small smirk that made its way to his lips. 

“So how’s your new space. You enjoying the extra room?” Leorio asked. His eyes scanned the area where his possessions used to sit. 

“It’s alright,” Kurapika lied. 

He wasn’t about to tell Leorio he spent the last ten minutes or so trying to remember Leorio’s scent, that would be information he would take to the grave. 

“How about yours?” 

“Pretty much unpacked everything, I didn’t have too much to begin with.” 

“It’s funny, we both didn’t own a lot of things but always managed to clutter the place up,” Kurapika mentioned, realizing his area was much neater than it had been in a while. The thought saddened him more than it should’ve, and Leorio had an equally somber look.

“Anyways, Gon asked me to eat dinner with him tonight and I was wondering if you want to come,” Leorio offered. 

“I mean I have a lot to do,” Kurapika began. This interaction was all too much. He wasn’t the one that was supposed to lose self control,  _ Leorio _ was the loud brash one between the two of them, yet Leorio was the one making all of the precautionary decisions while Kurapika just stagnated.

“One dinner won’t hurt you, when was the last time you had a proper meal?”

“Says the one who always suggested instant ramen,” Kurapika retorted. 

“I spent all my time painstakingly heating up dinner in the communal microwave, and this is the thanks I get?” Leorio argued back. 

Both arbiters broke out in smiles, and for a brief moment, things were ok again. 

“Like you said, being within close proximity might not be the best for both of us,” Kurapika replied more seriously this time. 

“Yea, and I still agree with you, but I’m not the type of person who can just cut things cold turkey. You kind of have to wean me off of things.”

“Like your cigarette habit?” Kurapika quipped in, earning a glare from the taller man. 

“Exactly like that ya smart ass.” His comment held no spite, and he stared at the blonde, transfixed and sullen. “Eventually we’ll hang out less and less until it doesn’t suck anymore, and it will feel like nothing ever happened. For now, we try and make it work,” he said with a voice too leveled for it to be his own.

“Do you really think that’s what’s going to happen between us? Why try if it’s eventually going to fail?”

“I honestly don’t know.” Leorio’s voice was controlled and unreadable. “Everything is still really fresh, I haven’t had time to sort things out.” 

The conversation turned bleak once again, and Kurapika could feel a pain in his chest that didn’t hurt this much before. It made sense to slowly fade apart until they would simply forget, but a strong part of him still didn’t want to. 

“Then what would you want out of this? What would you like to happen?” 

The air between then became tense. Leorio stayed silent for the most part, staring intensely at the third year through his small tea shades. Even in silence, Leorio’s expression alone could tell a whole story. Past all the sadness was love that could be seen clear as day. Stupid, unattainable love. 

It terrified Kurapika. 

If Leorio’s confession was brushed off previously, there was no way to ignore it now. Leorio stared at him with so much hope and want, as if nothing else mattered, and Kurapika knew he could easily fall into that cycle as well. 

What then? What would happen if things were reciprocated. They’d live the rest of this year in weird domestic bliss until Kurapika would inevitably leave. He had things to do, revenge to seek. He had dangerous, completely irresponsible, and life threatening plans that Leorio had absolutely no part of. Self sacrifice wasn’t listed under his to do list, but if it’s something that would make ends meet, it was a path he would consider. 

After all he’s been through, he would never put someone he cared about through all of that. 

Kurapika felt rooted to the spot, completely unable to move. He averted his gaze, although Leorio was studying him with that same expression he’s grown to fear. All at once, the feeling of unfairness made its way to Kurapika’s throat. In a different life with different outcomes, he wouldn’t have this worry. 

“We should go, we can pick up Gon along the way,” Leorio offered empathetically, realizing this situation was uncomfortable to Kurapika.  

“Right. Yes,” Kurapika replied, feeling suddenly drained over the short exchange. 

As they both made their way towards the first year quarters, Kurapika realized Leorio never answered the question. 

He thought it best not to bring it up again 

* * *

Time apart proved to be quite difficult for the first years. Pokkle had only switched rooms with Killua for a total of two nights, and although the switch was temporary, Gon was restless. Killua was worse for the wear, finding the open space and unfamiliar setting unwelcoming. He missed Gon, he missed the cramped bed they would squeeze in together and the way he would pretend to sleep as Gon played with his hair.

Killua’s feet moved much faster than necessary, the humming of his heart threatening to echo along the empty halls as he made his way to Gon. 

Whether it was telepathy, or just dumb luck, Gon opened the door before Killua had a chance to even knock. 

“How did you—”

Gon pulled Killua inside before he got to finish his sentence, only to have his lips roughly connect with Killua’s.

“W-wait, don’t we have to leave soon,” Killua asked Gon, not bothering to push the shorter man off him. 

“Pokkle won’t be back for at least another forty minutes,” Gon said quickly. He placed frantic opened mouthed kisses under Killua’s jaw, eliciting a low throaty moan from the assassin. 

“Idiot, you’re meeting Leorio for dinner in ten, remember?,” Killua reminded him, although he was losing the ability to speak with each passing minute.

“Then that gives us around nine and a half,” Gon answered cheekily, weaving his fingers into Killua’s signature white locks. 

Killua thought for a moment and really pondered over if nine and a half minutes  _ was  _ enough time for a brief necking session. However, Gon guided him onto the mattress, making the decision for him. The back of Killua’s kees hit the bed, and his back followed suit after a gentle push from Gon. 

“I’ve only been gone for two nights. Do you miss me this much already?” Killua said with a bemused expression. 

“You have no idea,” Gon replied gruffly. He knelt in front of the bed Killua was currently sprawled on, and ran his hands along Killua’s sides. Ever since that first kiss, things have been escalating at a rapid pace, and it’s only gotten worse since they were forced to part. 

Gon nipped at the taught pale stomach, creating hues of angry red marks wherever his lips trailed. Killua felt the warmth of Gon’s breath tickling his stomach, a tightening sensation making its way down his lower abdomen. 

Killua grabbed a fistful of Gon’s hair, tugging it lightly until large brown eyes met with his. “Stop.” Killua commanded, his breathing heavy. Killua was far from shy, and as much as he wanted to continue, they both had things to do and relatives to see. He wanted more, he wanted so much more, and the darkened look in Gon’s eyes showed his best friend wanted the same thing.

“I don’t want to stop,” Gon whined.

“I don’t either, but I don’t want this to go any further if we have under ten minutes.”

“I’m an ambitious person. I believe we can do this.”

“ _ Gon,”  _ Killua growled. 

“Fine, fine,” Gon laughed as he got up from his kneeling position and surveyed the damage. His lips quirked upwards upon seeing Killua flushed and unruly. “You’re really beautiful you know that,” Gon said with a lopsided grin. 

Killua immediately put a hand over his face, failing to hide the deepening blush that probably covered half his body. Just when he thought he was immune to being embarrassed by Gon, he’d always get hit with something unexpected. 

“Don’t say that!” Killua yelled. 

Gon crawled onto the bed until his face hovered above the assassin.  “I’m serious, you don’t even try,” Gon continued, reaching out to run a hand lightly along Killua’s neck. 

“You’re embarrassing,” Killua muttered irritably. He glared at Gon, wondering how he was able to trust someone so wholeheartedly. His chest bloomed with the affection he was always taught to suppress; here were so many things he wanted to say, but didn’t know how to. 

For most of his life he was conditioned to erase all feelings that managed to stem from anyone outside his family. He watched his older brothers go through his training, he watched as their eyes grew bleeker the more they learned. Something in Killua’s neurons must’ve malfunctioned because even if he tried to stay away from Gon, every fiber of his being told him to run back. Gon was only a small taste of the good that Killua never believed existed, and a part of him couldn’t vocalize how lucky he was to start his journey with the spiky haired first year that sat next to him on the first day of school. 

He wanted to thank Gon for so many things, but Killua couldn’t fabricate the right words. Instead, he crushed their lips together into a bruising kiss, which Gon returned with fervor. Their mouths moved together, all tongue and lips and guttural noises that were far from sexy. But Killua enjoyed it, he enjoyed the roughness, the possessiveness of it all. He liked the way Gon’s teeth dragged along his bottom lip, and he liked running his hands along Gon’s toned skin. Every encounter intensified more than the last, leaving both students feeling touch-starved at their next meeting. 

Killua was so lost in thought with all of his senses focusing solely on Gon, he barely had time to hear the light and swift footsteps making their way to his room. 

The locked door broke open with ease.

“Killu?,” a familiar voice called out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life Update: Partner moved in last couple of months ago, so now after 3 years we are no longer long distance! Stories have been halted due to basically being on our second honeymoon.


End file.
